Pose

[Chapter 8]

'So.. How are you today?' I look across the room at the therapist my sister assigned me. I've been coming here for almost a week now.. We also took a break and Zaiden, Lizzy Andrea and Clide insister on coming along. The rumors around the news about me finally died down and I have been trying to pull myself together. 'Ash?' I sit up straight leaning forward with my head in my hands as I take a breath and stare up at the woman. 'Same as yesterday.. And the day before that..' 'Well.. We're not getting anywhere.. You don't open up to me at all...' 'Because I don't know you.. I don't trust you either.' 'Well.. When will you trust me?' 'The moment you take me on a picnic and get me to marry you.' I smirk as the therapist sighs and takes her glasses off. 'Ash, You understand this is to help you right?' 'Of course.. But talking about it doesn't make it all go away...' 'Make what go away?' 'I'm not dumb, I know you're just trying to get me to talk to you.' 'That's.. The whole reason you're-' 'I know that! But this wasn't my Idea anyway!' '.. What about your father.. Have you ever tried to connect with him again..?' I glare at the woman before growling and she just stares back at me. I hate that she can be so fucking calm! 'My father needs to go to hell and Meet Shadin! If not Icuras!' 'What? Why? What did he do..?' 'Really lady? You know what, I'm done-' I get up to leave before I hear her start to talk again and what she says makes my skin turn to goosebumps. 'What about Zaiden? What does he think about all of this? The anger?' 'I don't know what he thinks..' 'Do you care what he thinks?' 'I-..I don't know..' 'Do.. you care about Him?' I stare at the door before Glaring back at the woman and smiling at her. 'Why don't you tell me. You're supposed to be the mind reader. Try and guess what I'm about to do.' '..Leave?' 'Oh my gods it is true you can read minds.' I reach for the door and leave the room before heading back to the car. '.. How did it go today..?' '.. I got her to take of her glasses from frustration.' I smirk before Andrea sighs leaning on the steering wheel. 'Ash.. Please.. You need somebody to talk to.. You've been locking yourself in your room for the past week!' 'Continue this conversation, and I WILL leave this car!' 'Ash! Don't you fucking dare leave this car I'm trying to talk to you.. I don't know what happened to you but you've become a fucking asshole!' 'Then so be it.. I have nothing else to be! If I don't ignore everything, It all comes rushing back into memories, which fucking turns me into a.. A fucking weakling! I can't protect you if I'm a softy!' 'Is that the only thing you care about..??' 'It's the only thing I have left to care about! I only have you left to worry about Andrea..' Andrea avoids eye contact staring at her feet before starting the car and driving us home. The house we're staying in is completely quiet. Freya Lizzy and Clide apparently left with Malikai, and I think Zaiden went with them. Andrea has work to so I just head straight for my room shutting the door and going to sit on my bed before Staring out of the giant window looking over the ocean. It's a nice view but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to leave it all behind.. I pull my ears down hugging a pillow and lean against the wall as I try not to listen to my thoughts. I don't get the chance to though before I hear the sound of a Violin in the background and I perk my ears up to listen. Who the fuck..? I don't remember that Clide or the girls play Violin.. Zaiden neither.. I put the pillow down and walk over to the door opening it a crack and peeping into the hall to find where it's coming from. I eventually start walking down the hall as quietly as possible before I reach Zaiden's room and I open the door slightly to see in as I watch him playing the violin. He looks so peaceful.. I didn't even knew he played.. I stare at him for what feels like forever before I notice he finally stops playing and I freeze in place wanting to run away but also kind of not.. Why is this always the feeling I get around him!? He turns to me before putting his violin down in a case. 'You're.. Awake?' 'What do you- Of course I'm fucking awake I'm right here.' 'So.. You're not sleepwalking again?' 'I don't-' 'You didn't know you sleepwalk. Don't say you don't. I've seen it.' I sigh staring away. Great something else embarrassing I have to worry about. 'You're out of your room and awake.. What's going on?? Did therapy finally help a little..?' 'No I-.. I was just.. appreciating the music..' I find myself pulling my ears down before I stop myself and shake the feeling off as I stare back at Zaiden. 'You never mentioned you played..' 'I.. Don't play that well. It's just.. Kinda something for myself and I.' 'Sounds like something I need.' 'Maybe it is-' 'I was being sarcastic-' 'I wasn't.' I roll my eys before going to walk away and he stops me. 'So.. Therapy hasn't been helping at all..?' There's that soft looking face again.. Geez I'm a sucker for that glare.. 'No.. No it hasn't.. The therapist keeps trying to trick me into talking to her. But I'm only sticking around o protect Andrea.. Otherwise I'd be gone already..' 'What about Minx?' 'She'd be better off without me..' 'She'd grieve y'know. Animals do that.. And that can be pretty fatal..' 'Minx wouldn't do that.. She'd go take care of Andrea.. That's how I trained her to be.. For in case..' 'Doesn't mean she won't grieve..' 'Look can we not talk about any of this?? You're starting to feel like a therapist too!' Zaiden goes quiet for a moment before staring at me and Smiling before he grabs a small clipboard on a desk and a chair sitting down. 'Alright, Tell me about it.' I try not to smile at his stupidity before I scoff and walk off to the kitchen to get water and Zaiden follows me apparently. 'Well it doesn't look like you want to go hide in your room.' 'I don't.. That doesn't mean I don't want to be in there though.' 'It's- Literally what that means-' I scoff again before Zaiden blocks me in the small kitchen as he starts making food. 'Really?? Let me pass.' 'Nope sorry, I'm busy making food.' 'Zaiden!' 'What?? I can't help you we're in the way. You hungry? I can make you something.' 'You sneaky bastard..' 'Thank you.' 'It's not a compliment!' 'I take it as one.' I start trying to push past him but it's near close to impossible. 'Zaiden! Let me go back to my room!' 'You're such a moody Teenager y'know. It's.. adorable I won't lie.' 'I-.. I'm not adorable! I'll fucking kill you!' 'With what? Your army of emotions?' 'I- Shut up..' 'Oh right, You're busy fighting them alone.. I could help you. Maybe I'll die in the war but y'know it's worth a shot.' 'OH..You're clever..Real clever aren't you?' 'Of course. How else would I have gotten good grades?' 'Let me Pass Zaiden..' 'No.. I don't want you to keep hiding in your room all the time.. At least trust me enough to let me know what's going on in your head.' 'I.. I just don't trust you enough! I only trust Andrea but she.. She's already got enough on her plate.. No pun not intended!' Zaiden looks over at the food and back at me. 'So you do still have a bit of yourself left.' 'Shut up.. The bastard won't die is all.' 'Maybe.. Because he wasn't meant to..' I feel Zaiden's hand reaching under my chin making me look up at him making me stare into his eyes. Those fucking soft eyes. How am I supposed to be cold if this Asshole exists in my life!? 'Please.. Ash..' I sigh lowering my ears before I stare down at the ground again and Zaiden just sighs before moving away to let me walk off and I do before I stop to turn to him. 'You coming or what??' Zaiden seems to cheer up as he starts following me to my room and I shut the door when he's inside before he turns to me. 'Kinky eh-?' 'ZAIDEN! Shut the fuck up! You're going to make me Kick you out!' I watch as he struggles no to laugh before he Calms himself. 'Okay, okay..' I go sit down on the bed and Zaiden sits down on a chair staring at me. I glare away from him and out the window trying not to freak him out. I don't even know where to start.. What am I supposed to tell him?? I can't just jump into trauma dumping.. 'Ash..' 'Hm? Sorry..I uh..' 'It's okay.. Take your time..' I take a breath before I hug the pillow tighter. 'I uhm.. I guess I'm just scared..' 'Of?' 'Losing everything again.. Especially after..' I stop to look over at Zaiden and he smiles at me staying silent. 'My dad.. He uhm.. He was responsible for my mother's death... Then he just.. Left me and Andrea to fend for ourselves... She's all I have left..' 'Why did you leave to Castestile then..?' 'We had a fight...' Zaiden stays quiet again. 'She uhm.. She wanted to contact our dad again.. But After I got pissed I told her how bad he used to hurt me.. It.. It broke her.. I ran off and went to Castestile trying to rebuild my life.. But there was nobody waiting for me there.. Until I met Nate... We.. we just clicked... I talked to him about it all... And one day he just.. He flipped... He pinned me to the wall trying to-...' I hug the pillow covering my face trying not to cry thinking about it. 'I didn't know what else to do... I got loose somehow.. I don't remember how...I just.. I found a gun.. I warned him but he just kept trying to get to me.. So I shot him... I ran back to my apartment.. He swore not to tell anybody when he finally got sober again... He swore... But he fucking brought a friend at some point and tried it again... The guy said I was perfect.. He said I was beautiful and.. And that he'd get me a job as a Model if I...If I..' 'It's okay.. You don't have to say it..' Zaiden comforts before I feel myself breaking down. 'I still went to model.. I didn't have a choice.. I had no income from anywhere else.. But I guess he got bored of me... So he tossed me to the side...The same day I met you..' Zaiden stares at me silently before I cover my face with the pillow again. 'I'm sorry.. I'm fucking-' 'No don't apologize.. You're talking.. It's better than keeping it inside.. I'm proud of you for opening up..' I suddenly feel him sitting down next to me and wrapping his arms around me pulling me into a hug and for some reason I just give on and hug him back crying into his shoulder. 'It'll be okay... I promise.. I won't let anybody hurt you again..' 'Why..' 'Why what..?' I look up at him trying to rub the tears from my face. 'Then why do you always.. Look away from me and hide your face as if you hate me..??' Zaiden sighs thinking for a moment. 'Well.. you see.. Hate and Love are very similar I guess..' Zaiden's face becomes softer again before looking up at me meeting my eyes. 'Huh..?' 'Ne- never mind it's stupid..' Zaiden goes to get up but I grab him by the wrist to stop him. 'Ah- Wrist-' 'Sorry! I forgot about your wrist being broken!' 'No no it's okay it's healed just.. sore.' Zaiden laughs before Staring down at me and looking away awkwardly. 'So.. wait.. you..' 'I-I.. Yeah..' 'Why wouldn't you tell me..?' 'We only knew each other for a couple of days.. I didn't want to freak you out! I found you on tiktok watching your dancing for fuck's sake!' 'What..?' 'And when that fucking video of you dancing hit the internet that mike showed us you were so upset about.. I was fucking Livid..! I also had to go stop my nose bleed...' I smile at him before covering my face. 'No! It's so bad..' 'For someone who doubts themselves a lot Ash, you could really be owning the literal definition of confidence.' 'No I could not..You're literally so perfect.. How can you compare me to something so close to you??' Zaiden sighs walking over and takes my hand placing it on his arm. 'Wha- What are you doing-!?' 'Just.. Move it down a bit.' I move my hand down before I feel scars beneath the tattoos littered across his arms. 'I'm not perfect.. Trust me.' 'I'm sorry..I didn't know..' 'Barely anybody does-' I suddenly hear the front door open and I throw Zaiden with a pillow. 'Fuck! Now they're going to think I'm.. Doing stuff.. Get the fuck out! Not a word of any of this!' Zaiden tosses the pillow back at me laughing before heading to the door and leaving shutting the door behind him and I hug the pillow again. What a jerk.. An adorable.. sweet jerk...