The Parasite | Eminem

16

- Marshall's Perspective -

"If God does not exist, I am God"
My head pounds.
My head throbs of death.
Death avoided.
I don't know what's going on, I don't know who's speaking to me, or speaking in my presence.

"It's not something extravagant. If you want to become God, you have to kill God first. When he's dead, you become independent, you live in this world by your terms" I open my eyes.
Properly, I can stare at the person speaking beside me.
Smoke travels through the air, I taste it on my tongue.
I see her holding a cigarette, she doesn't look at me.
"Killing God isn't hard, it's the ceasing to believe. It's acceptance of mortality."

Marlow scares me.
I don't really know if there's anyone like her, no one that's alive anyways.
Her eyes half open, she stares at the wall.
She might not even know I'm awake yet, that makes her even more intimidating.
She's just stating this scary shit.

"If God does not exist, by killing him, by ceasing to believe in his existence, you become God." In conclusion I suppose.
I still don't know why she's here or what the point to saying all this shit is.

She turns her head to look down at me.
She takes a puff from her cigarette.
One step closer to lung cancer.
One step closer to death.
Marlow's not scared of death.
Why would she care?

"If there is a God, then everything is up to him. You are a catalyst for whatever he wants to do with you..." she tells me, getting off the bed.
She keeps her eyes on me as she walks across my vision, coming to my side of the bed.

All I want to ask is, what's she's doing here?
I bring my hand to my forehead, I wince as I sit myself up.
Fuck, my head hurts like a bitch.
It pounds like the gates of hell waiting for me.
I must've had a fucking lot last night.
I don't remember shit.

"If God exists, all depends on him, we can't do anything against his will." She mutters, putting her cigarette out in the ashtray on my nightstand.
She stares down at me as if I'm her child.
I don't know what do think.
I'm so conflicted.

She squats down, resting her forearms on the mattress beside me, staring in my eyes.
"If God does not exist, all depends on us. We have our own will... we become God."
Marlow is the type of person to believe that she's God.
But she killed God to become God.
She knows everyone else is God in their own right, whether they know it.
Boom, back to square one.
You're just like everyone else.
You mean nothing.
Congrats, you have free will.
How she doesn't want to jump off a bridge, I will never know.

"Marlow... what are you doing here?" I ask, voice raspy and obviously pained.
Her face blank, it's as if she can feel no emotion at all.
She looks at me with pure emptiness.
Maybe I'm the only one she looks at this way.

"You got all flirty last night and asked me to come back here with you." She states, standing back up and placing her hands behind her back, stretching mindlessly.

"Did we do anything?"
Not that she would care.
Not that I should care, yet I find myself caring anyways.
If I did in fact do what she said, then I know why.

"No. You kissed my foot for a while then crashed." She shrugs, shoving her hands in the pockets of her cargo pants.
Marlow.
Marlow and her stupid middle aged dad clothing.
Marlow and her annoying amount of nonchalance.

"I kissed your foot?" I groan, covering my face with my hands.
I just know I'm blushing like crazy.
Me.
Me and my fucking ability to catch feelings for an emotionally vacant blood-sucking parasite.
Her words, not mine.

"Yeah. Listen man, I know you've got this thing for me, but you've gotta cut it out." she tells me casually, massaging her neck.
She stares at me straight in the eyes.
She never lies.
That's another scary thing.
That's another painful thing.
When the girl you're catching feelings for tells you without a hint of hesitance that you need to 'cut it out'.
That's painful.