• our fading futures • akitoya • REWRITE BEGINNING SOON

• born anew •

'TW: suicidal thoughts, gore, self-harm, cursing'

{pov: ena}

I found myself looking through my DM's with Mizuki as well. And not just a quick glance. Top to bottom. From their very first message to me 'hii >:3 is this ena?' to their last, 'Goodbye, Ena.'
I remember being so confused when they wrote that message, and then finding out what they meant an hour later through a DM from Kanade.
That day I tore up my room. Sheets off beds, paintings torn down, and I sat in the rubble and cried. Today, my life has become dull. I know what Mafuyu meant by everything she said.
Disappearing doesn't sound bad. Actually, it sounds better than my miserable life right now. No. I wanted to die as painfully as possible. Nobody would care anyway.
As I lay on my bed, I put my phone away. I didn't want to look any more. I deserved to, but I couldn't manage it.
My hands rested on my stomach as I resisted the urge to tear out my guts in as bloody a mess as possible. I look at my wrists, now covered in long, swollen slits.
I wasn't Ena anymore. I was a person, unloved by everyone. Even my own parents despise me. Nobody messages me anymore. I don't post art or photos anymore. Kanade sometimes checks in, but I tell her to kill herself. I'm such a bitch. Kanade is so nice. I don't deserve to be her friend.
My thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock at my door. "Ena, it's me. Want food?" My brother mumbles. He hates me too. They all do. "No." I say hoarsely back. "Go die. I hate you."
Akito sighs and walks back to the lounge room. I sigh. My stomach was thinning at an alarming rate. I did eat, but only the lollies in my room, and soda.
Nobody cared about me enough to stop me anyway. I continue to lay in my bed. I decide to pick up my phone again and look at Nightcord. One message from Mafuyu? And not in the group chat? Strange. I sigh and open it.
'I know you're just like me. You want to disappear too.' It reads. My eyes widen. How does she know? 'you could say that', I message back. 'is anyone stopping you?' The next message from her reads. 'good point', I say. I was too much of a mess to lie right now. Across the house, I could hear my father yelling at Akito. I didn't know why.
'You should.' The next message from my purple-haired acquaintance reads. 'why would i kill myself just bc you tell me to??' I sigh. She seemed to know me all too well. The yelling was getting louder. I heard my name in a string of words in their conversation. They'd been fighting a lot recently. It had been a bummer, I guess. I couldn't suffer in silence.
'Because I know you better than other people. Miku tells me your feelings.' The message reads. I raise one eyebrow slightly. 'i have no business with miku anymore' I respond. Her response comes up almost instantly. 'Meet me in Sekai now.'
I'd obliged to the message, and went into the place. It had been fading even more since Mizuki left us. "What a shame." I murmured. "What is a shame?" I heard a breath behind me that made me shudder. "The Sekai fading. I guess it'll fade even more once I leave this fucked up life." I shrug. Mafuyu's gaze turned to my arms. "You've been cutting yourself, have you?" I turn away, realising I'm still in my pajamas. "Yeah. But it's no big deal, Mrs Spooky." I say snappily. Why did I have to do this... "That's definitely a sign of wanting to disappear." I looked at her cold eyes. "Why do you call dying 'disappearing'?"
She shrugged her thin shoulders and I resisted the urge to punch her in her face. "Disappearing would be easier than dying. One moment you're there, and the next you're not. I want to disappear as well."
I scowled. "I knew that. You've been complaining about it to Kanade. Thinking you're all high and mighty." Mafuyu laughed at me. "I don't think that at all! You're making me sound evil or something. "You are!" I said in a hiss.
"Oh, Ena. You crack me up. You're like a walking joke." Mafuyu said, the slightest of smiles on her face. "Why should I care about what you say? You're a witch! Your whole personality is a facade!" I screamed, grabbing her annoyingly thin shoulders and shaking her around.
"Ena, this was never a facade. This is who I am and you can't change that." She smiled sadistically. "Nobody cares about you, remember?"
I grit my teeth, staring at her. "Maybe I will then. I'll disappear or end my life somehow." Mafuyu smirks smugly at me. "Good girl." I furrow my eyebrows. "If you say that again, I won't commit. It's annoying." I sighed. "Okay. So, how will you do this?" I shrugged. "Probably a knife in the chest. Or maybe off a building. I want to make it as painful as possible."
I smiled. "I want to feel something just before I die. But I also want time to think about my life. You know, reflect. Mafuyu narrowed her eyes. "Possibly you wait before jumping off a building and think?" She shrugged her shoulders.
"Hmm... Maybe. Doing it at sunrise, sunset or night might be pretty. I want to see something beautiful before I die." I said in a murmur. "I guess they're pretty." She responded. "You guess?" I sighed. "Yes or no, please. Or are you too much of a monster to have opinions?" She sighed. "Night would be nice. I like the stars, they're pretty." Mafuyu mumbled.
"Finally you have an opinion on something! Geez, this woman." I huffed. "So, night time it is. But from where?" I asked her.
"Maybe the old factory building?" Mafuyu suggested. "It has a pretty high rooftop. It should definitely kill you." She said with her usual blank expression.
"Hm. I want to look pretty when I die, though. Maybe I try something like overdosing on pills." I put my hand on my chin. "Sounds good?" I asked her. She shrugged. "If it's what you want, then it's fine by me." She murmured.
"Thanks, by the way. You're one of the few people I can open up to that kinda understands what I'm feeling." I said, my face blank just like hers.
"Maybe you go tell your family. Inform them of what you're going to do." I sighed. "Hell no! I want to keep this a secret till the end." I said loudly. "Once all of us die, this sekai will disappear. I know everyone here wants to, as you say, disappear too."
Mafuyu nodded. "I don't care about the Sekai. It's just a worthless place to me." I frowned. "Everything's worthless to you in the end, anyway." She nodded again. "Oh. Looks like I have an appointment with the homework club." She nodded. "I hate them. They force me to go because I'm smart." I nodded. "I'll leave Sekai then. See you, Mafuyu." I nodded. She waved slightly, her facial expressions still showing no sign of emotion. I pressed the button on my phone and that magical place faded into white.
I was in my bed again. Still laying there.  You could probably assume I was asleep, as I was facing the wall away from the door. I felt a chill creep up my skin, and looked at my arms. I decided to grab a hoodie out of my closet.
Akito and Dad were still fighting about something or another. I was interested, so I walked outside, bare footstep after footstep. The sensation of the cold tiles under my feet made me tremble slightly.
"-You're such a useless son!" I heard my dad roar. "Well, at least I actually care about members of my family, unlike you!" Akito screamed. His voice was slightly shaky. "What's going on?" I said. My voice sounded rough and shaky.
"Ena?" My father said, turning to look at me. "You're up. Tell your brother that you're fine." He said grumpily.
"I don't need her to tell me that! I can see myself!" My brother hissed. "She looks a bit tired, but she should be fine." He analysed.
"Are you finished being lazy?" My father asked me. "Or are you going to continue being a lazy, waste of space slob?" I hated my father. "Dad. I know you hate me even more now I don't do art and destroyed all those paintings. But-" My father shushed me. "Those were precious paintings. And you have the audacity to break them all? You truly are my least favorite child."
I giggled. "You think that hurts me? Please. I've known you hate me all along, Dad." Akito murmured, "Ena, maybe you should-" But I turned to him and screamed, "At least your best friend's still alive! You guys are sooo close, right?" My brother scowled. "What does Toya have to do with this conversation?" He asked angrily. "Well, maybe I'm jealous you have someone who cares about you in this world! Nobody has time to care for me!" I yelled. "I care about you, Ena!" He yelled back at me. "And normally it's instinctive for fathers to care about their children, and not critique their every action!" I said, whipping around to my father. "Well, that's because you're spoilt and lazy! I regret keeping you as my child and not just sending you to an adoption center!" He scowled at me.
I knew he had a lot of hate stored inside about me, but not this much. I flinched back slightly, and mumbled, "Why don't I just kill myself then?" His eyes locked onto me with steel hard determination. "What was that?" He huffed. "Why don't I go kill myself then!" I said louder, in a yell.
Akito looked at my father. "Dad, don't you think this is going a bit too far-?" He said, oddly gently for him. "You've hated me your whole lives, haven't you? With my anger issues, and flipping out all the time? I know how much you hate my guts and want to see them all over the place."
"Ena. You can't be joking about this stuff." Akito hissed. "Well, maybe it's because it's not a joke! You two have never cared one bit about me, huh?" I yelled.
"Ena." My father said imposingly. "I don't hate you that much. Sure, it seems like it, but you're my daughter." My father murmured. I felt like throwing up. "You liar! You call my paintings bad, destroy them, degrade me all my life! Maybe it's because I couldn't be like your perfect son!" I scream at him. "And to prove my love for you, I might as well run away now! Maybe I'll run myself over on the way? That will be a lot more convenient. I'll make sure I die in the worst way possible, too."
My father slaps me hard in the face. "Shut up!" He yelled roughly. "Dad, stop this." Akito said. "She's had it rough since her friend committed. Now you want to make her die too?" I smile through the red that was forming on my face. I see an opening through our front door, and run for it. "I hate you guys! I hate everyone! Those are my last words! Take that as a note!" I scream, running through the traffic, hoping I get hit. I hear the other two running after me, but I don't care. I want to die. The yearning becomes louder. The factory it is. And it's day, but I guess it's just my luck.
I disturb traffic running as fast as I can to the factory. Nobody knew where I was going, and the factory was relatively abandoned.
I eventually got there and climbed to the top. And... I smiled. "My life was just a cruel joke. Time to end it with a punchline." I laughed, and walked closer to the balcony of the third story floor. It was pretty here.
There was no beauty in my life anymore.
And so I jumped.
Mizuki would be disappointed in how pathetic I was.

‹Word count: 2065›
(A/N: I hate this so much might rewrite)