Lights /Stranger Things\

~the painting~

"In my life, there's been heartache and pain, I don't know if I can face it again. Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life. I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me, I wanna feel what love is, I know you can show me."

~~~

Mike's pov:

We've been driving for I don't know how long, but it's been a while, I don't know what the others thought I was doing while staring at the map, but I wasn't really doing anything, I was just thinking... about me and El. Are we meant to be? Would we be better off as friends? At this point, would she even still want to be with me? Did she give up on us already, should we give it up? Can our relationship even be fixed? Were we ever even meant to start dating in the first place? Would it just be easier if we were always friends? Are we supposed to stay together? Do I really love her or do I just like her, and like as a friend or like like?

"How far is Nina from Vegas?" Will suddenly asked, I look over at the map to find an answer.

"As long as Suize's coordinates are right... about another ninety miles," I replied, Will had a smile that signalized an idea on his face.

"Once we save El, we should stop there on our way back. El could make us like.. super rich and we'd never have to work. We could just retire and play DnD and Nintendo for the rest of our lives," Will said with a smile.

"Yeah, totally," I say, seeing Will smile even more at the thought. I really missed that.

"We're gonna make it, Mike. She'll be okay," Will said with a reasuring smile, I probably still look worried. I don't want to make Will worry about me.

"Yeah, I know. I know she is," I said, probably not too convincing. I just looked out the window to try and find an excuse for my bad mood, if you could call it that.

"But what if.. after all this, she doesn't need me anymore?" I said, looking back at the map, the truth is that what if I won't need or want her around? What if I'm just the worst boyfriend ever? I mean, I'm not even sure if I love her, and I can't even say it, she said it herself before leaving with doctor Owens.

"Of course she'll still need you, Mike. She'll always need you," Will says, convincingly enough. But I don't really want her to need me, I think I just want her to be independent since she always needed people to sort of 'protect' her. 

"That's what I keep telling myslef, but the truth is.." should I tell him the truth? "..I don't believe it. Not really," I sighed, chickened out again, how typical of me. I look over at Will.

"She's.. special. She was born special, maybe I was one of the first to realize that, but the truth is I just stumbled on her in the woods," I started explaining, when I was looking for you, "when she needed someone. It's not fate, it's not destiny, it was simple dumb luck, and one day she's going to realize that. She's going to realize that deep down I'm.. I'm just a random nerd who got lucky Superman landed on his doorstep. She's already beggining to understand she doesn't need me," which I think is a good thing. "I saw it... I saw it in her eyes, that last time we talked. I mean, at least Lois Lane was like an ace reporter for the Daily Planet..." what on earth am I on about? I just shook my head. "Sorry, I know this sounds stupid given everything right now, it's just, I dunno.."

"You're scared of losing her?" Will asked. Not really, but I nodded anyways, maybe he'll leave it. It looked like Will was thinking about something, then he asked: "Can I.. show you something?" I just nodded in response, did I just lose my voice? Will handed me the painting from the airport, I unrolled it to look at the scenario, I always loved Will's art. And this was amazing!

"This is amazing! You pained this?" I asked, giving Will probably too excited look. He kinda looked away, slightly nodding.

"Yeah," Will said with a smile, so the painting wasn't for a girl, it was for me all along. "I mean," Will said quickly, I looked over at him again, "El asked me to. Commissioned it basically. She told me what to draw," Will said, that was clearly a lie, one El knows nothing about DnD as far as I'm aware and two, why would El tell me Will never showed her what he's working on and that it was for 'a girl' if she asked him to draw it for me? She wouldn't even mention the painting at all if that was the case, so why would Will lie about that? It was clearly him who came up with the idea and all.

"The point is," Will continued, pointing at the painting, his hand slightly brushing over mine, why is this what I noticed? I should probably listen to what he's saying and not think about how our hands are touching. "See how you're leading here? You're guiding the party, inspiring us. That's.. that's what you do," Will continued, "And your coat of arms here, it's a heart. I know it's sort of... on the nose, but that's what holds the whole party together, heart, because see, without heart we'd all fall apart," Will explained, his voice slightly shaking. "Even El, especially El," Will said, what would he know? "These past months, she's been so lost without you. She's so different from other people and.. it's really scary to be different," at this point Will looked like he's going to start crying any minute. Did El tell him she feels that way or does he feel that way and assumes she does too? "When you're.. different... sometimes.. you feel like a mistake," Will kinda whispered, El would deffinetely not tell anyone that, so Will either assumed that or that's how he feels and I'm not sure what's worse.

"But, you make her feel like... she's not a mistake at all, like.. she's better for being different. And that gives her the courage to fight on. You know, even with those powers, she feels like she holds the responsibility and ... like everything that happened was her fault," Will said, small tears already forming in his eyes. El could feel like what happened was her fault, from what I know, it probably was, but no one blames her, she was a kid and got manipulated after all.

"And if she was mean to you or," Will continued, "or she seemed like she was pushing you away... it's probably just because she was scared of losing you, just as you're scared of losing her." I'm not scared of losing El, I'm just scared of losing you, Will. "And.. if she was going to lose you, I think.. she'd rather just.. get it over with quick.. like ripping off a band-aid.. Because losing you.. it just hurts.. it hurts too much," Will gave me a smile I could tell was forced, but I just let it be for now. "So yeah, El needs you Mike. And she always will," Will said, why did he have to add that? Wait.. I should probably say something.

"Yeah?" really I couldn't think of anything better than that?

"Yeah," Will said with a smile before turning away. I gave him another glace, then looked back at the painting, but I could feel Will shaking. Is he crying? Would he want me to say something or does he not want us to know something's wrong? Okay, I'll just ask if he's okay, if he says 'yes' then he doesn't want to talk about it and I'll leave him alone.

"Will, everything okay?" I asked, lightly placing my hand on his shoulder. Will quickly turned to me, there was no way he's hiding the fact he's crying right now. I think Will realized that because he just looked down, shaking his head. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to.. just.. I'm here for you," I said, pulling him into a hug and I felt his arms wrap around me, still shaking. "Hey, whatever it is, I'm sure it's going to be okay," I said, carefully running my hand through Will's hair.

"I'll need to tell you something later," Will mummbled, barely audiable.

"Okay," I replied, hugging him tighter. It hurts seeing my Will like this and not being able to do anything about it. My brain started analizing everything he said about El before, should I adress that I know he lied? Probably not right now, we'll get to that later, when he's not crying like this.

~~~