HIRAETH | ron anderson x reader

chapter xvii

-ron pov-

i woke up to an empty bed. i was very annoyed she didn't wake me - what if that was the last time i ever saw her?! but trudging downstairs, i see a note.

i must have read the note about 1000 times. i trace her handwriting with my fingers, as i think about her beautiful face. she will be okay i think to myself, but i can't trick myself into believing it.

i try to occupy myself by spending time with carl - i need to make up for shooting him in the eye. he has forgiven me, but i still have a pit of guilt weighing me down. i go to his house and read him comics, but he can tell i am nervous by my shaky voice. eventually, he tells me to stop reading. he can tell that i cant keep my mind off her. i ask if he can teach me how to fight again, but it was a bit far fetched. instead, he suggests going on a mini run - not too far from here, and finding something to give to her. i agree, and we head out.

on the way, carl teaches me how to survive in the wild, how to hide from walkers and kill them. it only takes us about 20 minutes until we find a group of stores. these stores are untouched by our group - none of them have any necessities, so they aren't interested on them. we walk down the street cautiously, when i see the perfect shop. a jewellery shop. it seems to be already robbed, but the thief had only taken really valuable items. there was plenty to choose from, so i spend ages picking out a necklace and a matching ring. i make sure they are both simple but beautiful - something she can wear while going out, but also something that makes her feel special. "why are you getting a necklace and a ring?" carl enquires. i feel my face go slightly red. "the necklace is for her now, the ring is for.. in the future.. maybe" i explain awkwardly. carl grins at me, teasingly. i ignore him, and go to the storeroom, looking for something in particular. i find it. a box for the ring. i place it gently inside, and do the same for the necklace, and then carefully store them in my bag. carl is ready, so we head back. the group won't arrive until tomorrow, but i am less on edge now. in fact, i am quite tired. i quickly hide both jewellery boxes and then sink into the bed, the faint flowery smell of her sending me to sleep.

i end up having a good sleep, but wake up as soon as i hear the gate. i rush down the stairs, throwing on a pair of shoes before running to the gate. i stop dead in my tracks. something is wrong. and shes not there with them.

my mind can't process what is happening, but everyone is comforting me. rick starts explaining what happened, but im not listening. a flash of anger washes over me, and i start punching his stomach. he stands there, letting it happen, until i run out of energy, and start sobbing. he holds me in his arms, and i wish more than ever that he were her.

the group promise to go out every day looking for her, but i keep myself locked in her room. going over everything that she had ever touched, everything she owned. i find her perfume thing, and spray it on my pillow, hugging it tight.

once again, i keep my distance from everyone. i don't leave her room ever at this point. enid leaves food outside of the room for me at every mealtime, and while i want to tell her how grateful i am, i can't even look at her. i feel selfish because i know that this hurts enid just as much.

its been several weeks - they stopped looking for her. i have never given up faith. i believe she is still alive, and someday i will find her. thats when i hear the gate. i rush to the window, hoping its her, but its not. its a group of men. with guns. oh fuck.