Escaping the Closet

Falling Apart

I turned and watched as Kayden left the cafeteria with Jessie. "Quinn, what happened?" Concern instantly spread across my face. "Did I do something wrong? He looks upset."

Quinn smiled at me, " No, he is going to get his vape. He normally does that before the third period. You did nothing wrong."

"Quinn, I know that! His face doesn't look like he's okay, not his actions."

Keesha turned to me as I sat up and looked at me. "I think it's me." She looked down at her hands. "He's interested in you, plus I am a girl. Did he know you were dating someone? Let alone a girl?"

"No it never came up in our conversations and I had no need to tell him about you because we were just friends. I think I mentioned you a few times to him but I wasn't super open about being gay."

"What, are you ashamed of me? You can't even tell your friends about me?" Keesha asked, frustrated.

"I didn't think about it! I literally just told like ten people about us." I gestured to Kayden's friend group. "I am not ashamed of you or us! How do you expect me to act? I don't even know me...did you ever think about the fact I'm struggling with shit? I come from a Christian family and I'm not even out to them yet and they'd kill me if they found out." I said, raising my voice as I dumped everything out. Finally, I screamed with frustration and got up to run out of the cafeteria. Everything was wrong. I had no one, my best friend had a crush on me, my girlfriend was mad at me because I wasn't being as open as her about my sexuality, and I couldn't dump everything on my mom because she couldn't know about any of this. Maybe I could tell Serenity? I thought. My sister was pretty chill with the LGBTQ community so maybe she would help. When I was younger she came out to my mom as bisexual and many times they had arguments over the subject but around two years ago she realized it was just a phase and she was actually straight and began dating her now boyfriend named Jake. I just hope Serenity will understand when I explain everything.

* * * * * * * * *

I ran upstairs when I got home straight into my bedroom to change into pajamas. It was time for me to start my homework but I couldn't see my homework through the tears pooling in my eyes. My head fell into my hands as I poured my heart out through tears onto my hands. My mom was gone to a convention and wouldn't be back till the next week, my dad was gone on a work trip like he normally was and wasn't going to be back for another month, and my sister was at work. There was no one home to hold me as my heart broke under the load of heartbreak I could no longer handle. I got up from my desk and laid on my bed falling asleep on top of the covers.

Two hours later at five-thirty I was awoken by a hand on my shoulder. There were dried tears all over my face as I looked up to see my sister Serenity looking over me with concern written over her face. I sat up and tried to wipe the salt from my tears off of my face. She sat on the edge of my bed and pulled me into a hug. My head rested on her chest as she held me and I embraced her warmth and comfort. She rubbed my back, and I turned to look up at her.

"What's going on?" Serenity looked back down at me pushing a strand of hair away from my face.

"Just some friends and I have been having some issues, that's all."

"You've had those issues before but you have never cried because of them. Well maybe once or twice but not to this point." She traced my face and smiled gently.

"Seny, when you were younger you used to think you were bisexual, right?" I asked.

"Yes? What does that have to do with anything?"

"I-," I stopped. Should I tell her? I thought.

"What is it, Danielle Shanon Randall?"

"Fine! I am a Lesbian! I like girls not boys and I always have. I know you used to be like that and then realized that you were straight again. I don't have anyone to talk to about it because mom is homophobic and so is dad, my girlfriend and I are having an argument right now, and apparently Kayden who you know has a crush on me which I had no clue about. I don't know what to do and everything is too much."

"Hold on, take it back a minute. You have a girlfriend and Kayden has a crush on you? What the actually fuck?" Serenity looked dumbfounded.

I smiled weakly back at her. "Yeah, you know Keesha? The girl who keeps coming over, that's her."

"I should have known." Serenity face palms jokingly. "Girl, I knew something was going on between the two of you but I wasn't sure if you were, you know, like that. Though I should have caught on to that considering you look quite gay."

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not."

"Well considering you're a Lesbian then yes I would say that is a compliment."

Serenity and I talked for the next hour before we both realized we hadn't had supper. We ran downstairs and created a lovely breakfast for supper.