𝐌𝐲 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐒𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝

5.𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬

its the morning , i feel so 𝒏𝒖𝒎𝒃, i dreamt about that same thing again and again , the regret and guilt are trying to break the door I've 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 long ago

but i must try , i should keep going for her , for me , for 𝒖𝒔

i check the time , it turns out to be the time past when jungkook leaves for work

i rashly open the door and go downstairs, noticing my presence the maids ask me if i need something, i ask them to make me a meal

after awhile , a plate full of scrambled eggs,fried sausages and sauce (a typical meal) is placed in front of me

i quickly devour the food and slump on the chair

i feel so bloated, so i get up and decide to take a walk around the mansion

i first go to the room that looks like it has fallen out of a vintage palace, I'm assuming it must be the library or something

i open the door , an elegant view surprises my sight

the smell of old antique books is just so nostalgic, i run around to find something i can read, i stumble upon a 𝒃𝒐𝒙 , its tiny but looks new, like a just delivered package, it had a bit of dust though , like little sprinkles of snowflakes, I clean them off

i get my hands on its lid , i remove the brown tape, there a book, no...𝒂 𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒓𝒚

i turn to the first page (this belongs to jeon aeri)

my eyes expand themselves in awe

this...is hers..

i take the diary and run up to my room and lock it behind me , i sit down leaning on the closed door

i turn pages to see the first entry in the diary a the first day when they met

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1/june/20__

𝑫𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒚/𝒏

remember the time you showed me jungkooks interview, and i acted like i didn't care , i actually fell for him the moment you showed me his face , who knew after a couple of years id meet him today , i met him in a meeting, he seems so nice , he was very kind to help me out to carry some papers , can you believe it , the CEO of one of the big three companies in our state, was helping me carry things around, i was shocked as well , but before leaving he said lets meet again , I'm so excited and looking forward to that meeting

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she wrote this to 𝒎𝒆, i turn the next page and that was also written to me

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7/june/20__

dear y/n

do you know what happened today, me and jungkook went on a date or..at least something like that, he offered to take me to dinner because he thought my presentation was the best among his employees, its quite weird though, but still, i think he likes me back, just my speculation but I really hope what I'm thinking comes to 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

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i turn the pages, and all of these are written to me, from dates to marriage every entry is written for me, i quickly end up on the last entry, its on the day before the accident, the day before she was gone, 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆

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21/feb/20__

dear y/n

it seems i cannot ever have children , i still haven't told jungkook about it , and i dont want to really , i don't want to tell him that we don't have the blessings to get a new life together into our lives, he really 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒔, i dont want to disappoint him , I'm sure even our parents will be disappointed in me , you know sometimes i dream to be 𝒚𝒐𝒖 , i imagine how life can be not to care about your image and all, its tiring sometimes but i do envy you and your life , i dont know if youll be able to read this dairy , i want to say if i ever die , i want you to take care of jungkook , make him happier than ever, and I'm not saying to replace me and take on all my burden, but i want you to be for him when I'm not there for him anymore..

_____________________________________________

i hug the diary to my chest and start to bawl my eyes out , my hands keep trembling all this time , and trickles of water drop from my bare face as i hug the diary into a tighter grip

after when I finally got stable I got up and rummaged through the desk to find a pen

i shift to the next blank page of the diary

_____________________________________________

13/April/20__

dear aeri

i don't know what you meant when you said to make him happy , youll be surprised to know , I'm married to him now , i took away what was yours, i took away your place but it seems I can never replace you , I can 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 be you , not even in a hundred years , jungkook really misses you , i really miss you and everyone else aswell, he can never forget you, and he never will, and i cant ever be you even if i try , i just hope i can do something to make him even a little happier, i aswell loved him you know , even before you... i really did , and 𝒊 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐 , i just keep pushing away the feelings but I know deep down I really do love him, more than anyone.... , but ill keep pretending, until the day i die i will keep pretending to be okay and hide my feelings , eventually ill let them get buried with me in my grave

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i close the diary and put it on top of the cupboard

i slump myself onto the bed

without even realizing that moment flashes in front of my eyes , i grip the sheets on the bed, because i don't want to remember that , i try closing my eyes but i suddenly become paralysed , tears starts to flow , i cant stop them neither that moment, its all around my head, i cant get it out

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so what did y/n see , why was she panicking, stay tuned to find out

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author:dear friends, i hope everyone is doing well, quick life update, i have exams for two weeks , ill post the next chapter after that :")