The Voyage - Edmund Pevensie

23

It was chaos for a while once we got back to the Dawn Treader. The crew did their jobs of readying cannons, securing things below deck, and pulling all swords and weapons out from the armory below deck. After all, we had no idea what we were going to face in that fog. 

After helping Tavros do inventory on our weapons, making sure we had everything, I went in search of Edmund. I'd only seen him in flashes since we got back to the Dawn Treader, both of us busy doing our own things. Now that everything was done and the ship and crew were ready for tomorrow, Lucy was right. Ed and I needed to talk. And if I didn't do it now, I'd lose my nerve and never do it. 

I found him in the Capitan's office, and thankfully Caspian was nowhere to be seen. He was staring at Peter's sword, where Caspian had put it back in the glass case for tonight. His face was so serious, and almost a little sad. My heart hurt seeing that expression. I never wanted him to be sad if I could help it. Ed was so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't even hear me come in, let alone walk up right next to him. It was only when I put my hand gently on his shoulder that he jumped.

"Sorry," I grinned at him. "I didn't meant to scare you, but you were pretty lost in your thoughts." Ed looked away from me back to Peter's sword, then back to me.

"Yea, sorry I guess I was." I sat back so my butt was leaning against Caspian's desk, my hand trailing down to rub circles on Ed's back. 

"Want to tell me what about?" He leaned back to join me against Caspian's desk, my hand not leaving his back tracing shapes and rubbing comforting circles through the cotton shirt he was wearing. Although he didn't say anything right away, I could tell he was struggling with whether or not he wanted to tell me. But I didn't push. I knew Ed struggled to tell people what he felt, a byproduct of being the true middle child (Peter and Susan were so close in age, and Lucy was the golden child baby of the family). 

As if he could read my thoughts, Ed finally said softly, "Do you remember in Aslan's How, how we'd stay awake at night talking and I told you about my family?" I nodded. He'd told me himself that there were times he felt invisible in his own family, back when we'd spent those long nights together in Aslan's How. That was part of the reason why he'd acted out so much as a kid. That, and he'd had such a close relationship with his father that when he'd left for war, that feeling had only grown.

"When I came to Narnia, I thought that it was finally my chance to be the better sibling. Obviously, I later learned that there is no such thing as the better sibling. And all I ended up doing was betraying my family and almost getting us all killed."

"But you made it up to them, and everyone in Narnia," I told him. "When it counted, you returned to Aslan and helped defeat the White Witch. You were the one who broke her staff, not Peter." I couldn't help but add that last part since Ed's eyes had gone back to Peter's sword. 

"That day, I learned that I didn't need to be the best person, I just needed to be a good person." I stopped my circles on his back and instead snaked my arms around his waist, so I was giving him a side hug. His arms came around me, and we were hugging each other, my head resting on his shoulder.

"You are a good person," I told him fiercely. He sighed. 

"Sometimes I don't feel like a good person," he whispered. "When I look at Peter's sword, I can't help but get jealous all over again how he got to be High King. How even now that he and Susan have left Narnia forever, I still feel like I'm in his shadow. Or Caspian's." I knew we were both thinking of what had happened at the gold pool on dragon island. While the mist had clearly been at work, I'd had a feeling that the feelings it brought to the surface were true, hidden ones. Even if they were twisted and corrupted a little.