Thunder & Lightning

Rebecca: Part 19

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"I decided it is better to scream. Silence is the real crime against humanity."

― Nadezhda Mandelstam

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As I lay in Emma's bed, I couldn't help but think about the look on Devon's face this morning.

"Still ignoring your boyfriend?" Emma asked as she blindly walked into the room. Somehow she just knew I was there.

"He's not my boyfriend," He's not my anything, not anymore. I answered still staring at the ceiling.

"You two have been dating for like three months now,"

"We weren't dating," I muttered, turning to her. Emma's back was facing me as she felt around for something on her bookshelf.

"Okay, seeing each other." Emma corrected, still searching for something.

I rolled my eyes before turning back to the ceiling. "We weren't seeing each other and it hasn't been three months."

"It's only been a few weeks since you realized you like him but it's definitely been three months since you guys met." Emma annoyingly pointed out while knocking over one of her books.

I sat up with a huff. "Why do you even remember that?" I asked tiredly as I walked over to the fallen book and picked it up.

"Because it's not every day you call me and complain for two hours about your car breaking down and meeting a strange guy that was willing to give you a ride home." Emma sassed as she held out her hand waiting for me to hand her the book that fell.

"It wasn't for two hours," I bitterly argued as I carefully handed her the book.

It was definitely only an hour and a half.

Emma felt along the book's spine before sighing.

"If I could see, I wonder if I looked in a dictionary if I would find your picture as an example for the word denial," Emma said shoving the book back into the shelf.

"You're not funny." I complained walking back over to her bed and sitting on the end.

"What happened between you two anyway? You've barely told me anything these last few days." Emma asked turning toward me. Her body shifted slightly too far to my right to be truly facing me.

"I've barely said anything because I know you'll just tell me that you told me so," I complained.

"I promise I won't, now spill."

"This morning we spoke. And, I said some mean stuff, okay? And, I think I might have actually hurt him. I didn't mean to, I just wanted to give him a reason to realize we were never going to work out." I explained. The image of Devon's sad eyes came back to my mind.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be more dumb and carefree? Why couldn't I be the kind of person who took risks?

"And why weren't you guys going to work out exactly? Did something happen? Cause, You seemed pretty happy to me." Emma asked lazily braiding some of her hair.

Why? I couldn't answer that. Not in a way that made any sense. I just knew that we weren't.

"It wouldn't have ended well." I settled on answering instead. Emma looked confused. Her hands stopped the braiding motion they were doing. "Why though?"

"Because that's just how relationships are and that's why I didn't want to be in one in the first place."

She didn't respond right away as if she was considering my answer before she began braiding her hair again."Does this have something to do with your parents?" Emma asked randomly.