Just a Little Longer

Chapter Five: Alone

"Maybe I, maybe I, maybe I'm the problem"
- TV, Billie Eilish

—————————————————
HAYDEN

I didn't sleep for long.

I woke up earlier that morning and couldn't go back to sleep.

So there I laid staring up at the ceiling in the quiet darkness of my room. The only light offered was the light glow of the moon that peaked through the curtains.

I laid there for hours not moving an inch. Not when my stomach growled softly from hunger. Not even when the urge to pee came over me.

The soft buzz from my phone was what got me to finally move.

It was a text from Piper.

She was the only friend I remained in contact with since we moved.

We don't text much now and often it was just to check in on each other.

We didn't move far, just a few towns over.

We lived here before, until age nine and mom got a job a few towns over so we moved there. And there we met Piper, she was the first friend we made.

Piper

Hey just wanted to check up on you

I'm holding up how r u?

Same

Well I'm here if u ever need to talk

Same goes for u
I don't think I'm quite ready to talk
about it though

                                                   Thanks

Our texts were usually short now and consisted of pretty much the same thing.

Piper and Hayley had started dating a few months before Hayley died.

I remember how nervous they were. I was the first person they each told they liked each other to. They didn't even tell each other yet. They were scared to tell the other but I convinced them to tell each other but didn't tell the other they liked the other.

I couldn't even smile at the memory because the guilt hit me instantly. I knew it was my fault she died.

I took her away from her.

I took her away from everyone.

Maybe if I would've stayed at the party a little longer.

Or maybe if I wouldn't have come to her saying I wanted to leave she wouldn't have realized something was wrong.

Maybe I should've stayed in that room until I was composed enough to act like I wasn't hurting.

Or maybe I should've left the party on my own and dealt with the problem by myself and just came back to get her when she wanted to leave.

But no, I caused this.

I killed her.

It's my fault everything's my fault.

I dug my fingernails into my thigh hoping to numb the thoughts.

Piper came over here a few times to visit Hayley while I on the other hand haven't been able to even step foot in the cemetery.

I couldn't even go to her funeral. I just felt so guilty. A few weeks later I finally worked up the courage to see her. I wanted to apologize but when I got there it's like my body shut down. I couldn't even enter the gate.

My body wouldn't allow me to move unless it was in the opposite direction of her.

I walked away crying that day.

And that was when I first found the abandoned building.

—————————————————

It's been a week now and a new school year starts today.

I didn't want to go but I had to so I got up, did my hair then threw on a black hoodie and loose ripped jeans.

I grabbed my bag, phone, and AirPods. After putting them on I turned on some music and left the house.

I walked to the bus stop.

A few minutes after I arrived the bus came. I got on and paid before sitting in one of the closest seats I found open.

Around twenty minutes of looking out the window later I was getting off the bus and walking for a few minutes until I reached the school.

I stopped just by the entrance and watched as people walked in and cars drove into the parking lot, students climbing out. Some people made their way inside the school and some lingered in the parking lot and either met up with their friends or they stood around probably waiting for them.

My breathing started to pick up as I stared at everything and everyone.

I don't think I could do this. Not without her here besides me as she was supposed to be. Nothing about this was right, she was supposed to be here. No, not even here but in our last school. We should have been walking through those familiar dark blue doors together and starting our senior year together.

But here I stood alone with no one by my side staring at unfamiliar brown doors that I was meant to walk through alone and start my senior year alone.

I turned my head to the side trying to compose my breathing. As I did I spotted a familiar face stepping out of a black car.

Kai.

He leaned against his car and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. He brought it to his lips and held it between them as he lit it.

He must've felt my stare because he looked up causing our eyes to meet.

We stared at each other for a while, refusing to break away our gazes until a car pulled up beside his.

And while I could still feel his eyes on me mine turned towards the car just as a girl stepped out.

Even from all this space between us I could tell she was tall.

She had dark skin and equally dark eyes. There were braids in her hair and a beanie covered the top of her head.

She walked to stand besides Kai and I saw her mouth move.

He nodded but his eyes didn't detour off of me. I saw his lips move, forming words I couldn't tell.

She nodded and said something else.

He glanced at her before nodding and handing her the cigarette which she then put to her mouth.

Two more cars pulled up and people stepped out and walked over to the two.

I looked away then just as he turned his gaze back to me.

I looked back at those brown doors.

If I get this first day over with it'll get easier right?

I sighed. I'd have to start someday, why not now.

Taking in a breath to steady myself, my feet started to carry me to the entrance and I sank my nails into my palms to help control my breathing.

Suddenly I stood in front of the door and before I could backtrack I walked through those brown doors,

Alone...