Just a Little Longer

Chapter Fifteen: Ignoring Calls

"Once you know someone is there for you and once you know they love you, you never actually think of them again. it's not until you are about to lose someone that you pay attention."
- Marie, Malcolm and Marie

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KAI

I made my way out of her house checking my phone as I walked to my car that was parked down the street. I had one of my men drop it off earlier.

There were missed calls from my father but I chose to ignore them like I did all day yesterday.

He hadn't called for almost a week but yesterday of all days he chooses he wants to talk.

I knew I had to talk to him eventually but I'll do that later on today as it was almost three in the morning and I didn't have the patience to deal with him at the moment.

I got in the car when I reached it. I started it before pulling away from the curb and drove off, fast and uncaring.

It has been a year and now the next year without him is ticking down.

I still didn't want to believe he was truly gone and I'd love to blame my father for it but I knew I couldn't... at least not entirely.

I had some part in it.

Ren Ishikawa was our protector and we all relied on him way too much. If we were ever in trouble, if we ever needed help, we knew we just had to call him and he would've handled it.

He took care of all of us and made sure we were on the right track.

He always knew how to handle things. We'd be falling apart, sometimes without our knowledge of it even happening but somehow he always knew and there he would be by our side, helping us, slowly but surely, picking us up piece by piece and putting us back together.

But the time he needed us most, the time he needed someone to put him back together no one noticed.

No one was there.

We failed him.

I failed him.

I wasn't there when I should've been.

He just seemed so ok. And I knew he hated this life we were forced into, he hated the things he had to do but he knew there was no way out of it.

I only saw how bad it affected him once but he promised he wouldn't do it again and then he was back to his usual self.

He seemed fine but I guess fine isn't good enough.

And maybe I only wanted to see the good, maybe I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he was hurting because if he was falling apart then what hope did we have?

I was a selfish coward and I should've been the one apologizing not him.

I didn't even register the fact that he was the one that kept us all together until he was gone. And I knew everyone was falling apart again but I couldn't find it in me to care.

I've never been quite in touch with my emotions and I always thought it was weird how my brother could feel so much, how he cared so deeply and wasn't afraid to show it. While I on the hand could never quite figure out what I was feeling.

The only feeling I could fully understand in me was anger.

I was angry at many situations but I could never find it in me to feel anything else. But at least even in anger I helped in my own way.

Any other time though all I could feel was detached, void, like I wasn't feeling anything at all.

Even when I found out about Ren, tears fell and it was like my body was sad but my mind couldn't feel a thing, I didn't know how to explain it.