Danger Zone

Chapter 22: "Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)"

Jules and Tom were snuggling on the couch, enjoying those little moments of intimacy, when she decided to get the ball rolling. "Tom?"
"Hm?"
"We ... aren't going to start our relationship based on a lie, are we?"
"You mean?"
"My burnout. I ...haven't told you everything." She carefully freed herself from the embrace he had held her in.
He looked at her. The moment of truth had arrived. He felt a knot in his stomach for what he was about to do and nodded. "I was hoping you'd talk about it."
"And ...are you sure you will still feel the same way about me, if I come clean?"
"Because?"
"Because I was in therapy, Tom."
Therapy. The buzzword every Scientologist hated. He swallowed and looked down. "Jules ..."
"I know", Jules said with a sigh. "But it is what it is. That burnout didn't happen from one day to next, but gradually. I was totally fucked up, barely recognizable anymore. I wouldn't have made it otherwise."
"But you do know that psychiatry is not even a real science? I mean, have you thought of trying Dianetics ...?"
She interrupted him right then and there. "If you are trying to imply that Dianetics could have helped preventing that burnout whatsoever – don't. even. go. there."
"Still, psychiatry isn't real."
"Says who? Your glorious founder, L. Ron Hubbard? Your buddy, David?" She felt how her blood started to boil.
"Them and everyone else who's a Scientologist. I myself disagreed with it even before I became a Scientologist." He looked at Jules and saw how her ocean eyes changed their color to a storm brewing.
"HORSE. SHIT."
"What do you mean?" This was exactly going the way he had imagined it.
Jules took a deep breath and slowly exhaled again. "Look, Tom, I know Scientology is your everything, but when it comes to that topic, y'all are terribly in the wrong." She held his gaze although she was pissed off by then already. "You wanna know something? When Nora found me in my old flat, I couldn't move anymore. I was literally lying on the floor, beyond exhausted. I had lost weight because I hadn't eaten properly in a couple of weeks. I hadn't slept properly in a couple of months. I was a fucking WRECK! Had Nora not hauled my ass into a clinic, this could've ended very differently."
"But ..."
"No, Tom", she hissed. "I could have fucking DIED!" She looked down for a second. "I could have died", she mumbled. When she looked up again, her eyes were wet with tears. "And the two of us would've never met, let alone fallen in love." She felt tired, angry and disappointed. She had known that she wouldn't be able to avoid the topic forever, but by no means had she expected ...this. Whatever this was. Had Tom shown his true colors eventually?
"Jules ..."
"You know what? Leave me the fuck alone!" She got up and stomped out of the room, straight into her den and slammed the door shut. She didn't want to hear any more bullshit. Or see Tom again. Ever. She was done with him. Just when they were about to start their relationship, he had to stab her in the back. She quickly checked flights and rebooked her return flight. She had to get away from this hellscape as fast as possible.

"Well done", Tom said to himself and rubbed his face. He was deeply in love with Jules, and yet, he had hurt her. If he had ever meant to confess his love to her, he had thrown that one out of the window now. And at the same time, her outburst did something to him. As her confession that she could have lost her life echoed on in his mind, he realized that maybe she had a point.

Jules had just woken up from an unruly sleep, when she grabbed her phone and texted Nora to let her know that she was coming home much earlier than expected.
"What the fuck!?" Nora replied.
"Had a fight with Tom. He's an idiot and I need to get away from here."

Not much later, Tom knocked on her door. "Jules? May I come in?"
"What the Hell do you want?"
He carefully opened the door and saw that Jules was packing. "What are you doing?"
"Well, what does this look like? I'm getting my ass outta here!"
He looked at her, puzzled. She felt his eyes burning in her back, so she turned around to face him: "Tom, I cannot fucking do this. I opened up to you, told you my backstory, how I fucking survived the worst time of my life. And you want to tell ME, a survivor, that psychiatry is bullshit in your weird ass Scientology world?" She was still mad and raging, her eyes wet again. "Do you have any idea how fucking much you hurt me with that?"
Tom looked down and tried to find the right words. "Jules ... I'm ... I'm sorry, really." He walked closer to her and wanted to wrap her in his arms and tell her that he loved her.
"Don't you dare touch me!" she seethed.
"So, that's it, then?"
"Exactly. And now get outta my way, I got a plane to catch!" She shoved him aside and stormed off.