Danger Zone

Chapter 24: "Alone"

Jules was lying on her stomach, her eyes fixated on a photo of Tom. "Why did you do that to me, hm? I fucking loved you!"
"Julesy, stop talking in past tense, you still love him", Nora objected. "And I really can't stand seeing you this sad and heartbroken."
"Blame Tom", she groaned and turned around again to have a better look at her friend. "I didn't think this would hurt so much, really."
"Understandable, sweetie."
Jules sat up, dropped the photo and hugged one of her favorite cushions instead. "I miss whatever it was that I had with him", she sighed. "I felt things I didn't know I could still feel."
"Julesy ..." Nora tried to smile at her. "Has he texted you again in the meantime?"
Jules nodded. "Yeah." She ran a hand through her hair. "And I left him on 'Read', there is no fucking way I want to talk to him, let alone see him again."
Nora raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that? You've just stared at his photo for some time!"
"I did. Because despite everything, I can't fully let go, yet. Although it would probably better for me if I did." Her eyes filled with tears again. "God, I was so in love with him ..."
"You still are, Julesy. You just need time."
"And let him fool me again? As if nothing ever happened?"

Tom was back on set for a bit, and everyone noticed how downcast he was, how he barely managed to flash his trademark smile. He had become monosyllabic, too.
"Do we know what the heck is up with him?" Ving asked Simon when Tom was particularly grumpy. "Never seen him like that."
"I have an inkling there's something terribly wrong between him and Jules."
"You think?"
"I'll ask him ...when I have a chance. Fact is, he's completely beside himself."

Simon jumped at the first chance he got. During a break, he sauntered over to Tom who was staring into nothing. "Tom?"
"Hrmh?"
"What is wrong? I'm your friend, you can confide in me."
"Jules", was all he said.
"Thought so." Simon tilted his head. "Now tell Uncle Simon what happened?"
Tom sighed and rubbed his face. "It's over." He paused for a second. "And you won't blab about it round here?"
Simon looked earnestly at him. "I won't. Promise. What the everloving fuck happened?"
"Well, I hurt her. We had a fight, and ... I said some things to her I deeply regret. She left and has not looked back for a second. I texted her apologies and all, but she ignores me." His eyes were moist again. "Do you have any idea how much I love her?"
"Hmmm, maybe she needs time?"
"That's what I hope and that she didn't leave forever." He gnawed on his lip. "I mean, you've seen her and how cool she is. She means the fucking world to me, and I was stupid enough to hurt her. Ironically, it was the day before I wanted to ..."
"So you weren't together, yet?"
He shook his head. "But almost. I had everything planned, candle light dinner, little stroll, and then kiss her and tell her I love her. Well." He looked at Simon. "I could kick my ass for it, really."
"Oy. Didn't see that coming, as smitten as you were with her."
"No one did, Simon. Everyone who saw us in the past weeks knew that Jules and I were about to make it official. There was this one special moment when I visited her back when we had that issue on set – that was when we both knew that there is more to us. That we're totally in love." He paused for a moment.
"And?"
"Her best friend walked in on us." He chuckled. "Well, nothing too overly out of the ordinary, but she just happened to see us snuggled up on her couch, Jules in my arms, both of us having a nap." I still don't want to know what might have gone down had she come in when Jules kissed me ... He didn't dare mention that just yet, just sighed and smiled.
"So you guys really were about to get serious?"
Tom nodded. "Yeah ... And I'd do everything in my power to have Jules back. I need her."

Jules was sitting on her couch, arms around her legs, chin resting on her knees. She was lost in her thoughts, reliving everything with Tom time and again.
Nora kept watching her heartbroken friend and couldn't help but feel sad, too. The two of them had been so optimistic that Jules and Tom would end up as a couple eventually, and neither of them had in any way or form expected ...this.
"I miss him", Jules mumbled.
"Of course you do!"
"If only it was easy to let go. I don't think we'll ever have a chance again at whatever that was that I had with him", she sighed. She felt her eyes tear up again. "It hurts so much!"
"Julesy, I know you're licking your wounds right now, as you should. But I still believe that this isn't over, yet."
"How come?"
"Just this inkling I have. You still care about him, somehow. And he obviously still loves you, because he wants you back."
"I wonder if I ever meant as much to him as he did to me?" Jules said with a frown.
"I think so, Julesy. Okay, I only saw glimpses of the two of you, but that man loves you. It was palpable in every little moment. The hugs, the little caresses, the nap I walked in on ..."
"...and the kiss."
"Only, I didn't witness that. But yeah, you did it, Julesy – you kissed him, and you're still talking about that."
"I still don't know what possessed me in that moment, though. I just went all in, I guess?" She closed her eyes for a bit and replayed the scene in her mind. How good it had felt. His lips on hers. Their young, yet burning love. "I want that back! All of it!"
"See?"
"I know, I am like a yo-yo right now. On the one hand, I am still mad at him. But on the other hand, he made me feel love again." She clenched her jaw and looked down. "It could've been ...so GOOD!"
"I know, sweetie. You wanted it, too."
"I wanted him", she said. "Isn't it ironic? When I met him and this whole mess started, I tried to avoid falling in love with him at all costs. And now, I cannot seem to let go again. Although I probably should."
"Says who?" Nora teased her.
"My goddamn wits do. My heart says otherwise."
"Thought so. You still love him ..."
"... and that is why this shit is getting to me so much!" She looked at her best friend. "I knew from the start that he's a Red Flag, and yet, I ignored everything and now look at me – a sobbing mess."

Tom decided to text her again. He couldn't let go either. "I know, you're mad at me. I know, I hurt you deeply. I broke your heart and your trust. But believe me when I say you're still my whole world. I miss you terribly, and if there was any way to turn back time and undo this, I'd jump at the chance ... Jules, I need you. Please, let us talk. – TC"

He knew that this message, just like all the other ones, would end up on "Read" but not receive a reply. Jules was stubborn, and very likely still in emotional pain. Inflicted by his mistake. He looked at another picture of her. "There are no words how much I still love you..." he said with a sigh.

 "I hear the ticking of the clock
I'm lying here the room's pitch dark
I wonder where you are tonight
No answer on the telephone 
And the night goes by so very slow"

Jules kept tossing and turning in her bed. She couldn't fall asleep at all. No matter how hard she tried, sleep had completely abandoned her. She was lying in the dark, feeling all alone. Her whole body hurt as if some poison was running through her. She realized that not even Soccer Dude's betrayal had put her through this much turmoil, although they had been together for some years when she found out about his affairs. But with Tom, it was entirely different. The love she had felt for him went beyond everything she had ever experienced. She had felt him in her soul as well. "I want all of that back ... and you", she murmured, and found herself in a fetus position while crying like she'd never cried before.

She hadn't slept at all, looked basically like a zombie and was of absolutely no use the next day. Her eyes were still red and puffy from crying for hours, combined with the lack of sleep. Nora wasn't around, as she had some appointments, but had promised she'd check in in the early afternoon. Jules somehow had to get by until then. She was sitting on her couch and brooding, when all of a sudden something dawned on her: what if it had not been Tom's decision to bring up that particular topic? She remembered how David M had scrutinized her from head to toes, and how protective Tom had been. Could it be that it had been David M who'd been the driving force behind their split? That he had been so appalled at her that he had turned Tom against her? Yes, that would still mean that Tom wasn't as strong as she had him believed to be, but still, it was an option. "FUCK YOU, DAVID! FUCK YOU, SCIENTOLOGY!" she roared, got up, went to her bedroom and put on her sports clothes. Time for some ass kicking. Literally.

She put on some Metalcore and went at it. Imagining David M's face on the punching bag, she kicked and punched away, totally in a rage fit. It felt good. So good that she absolutely lost track of time. Usually, five to ten minutes of high intensity kickboxing were enough. This time, she let out her anger: "FUCK! YOU!" She was so infuriated that she couldn't stop.

Until she eventually collapsed on the floor, drenched in sweat. "Fuck. You." she mumbled again, before she slipped almost completely into unconsciousness.

"Jules?" No reply, just the blaring music. Nora had an inkling what had been going on – she didn't miss a beat, raced to Jules's Pissed Off Corner where she found her best friend slipping in and out of consciousness.
"Fuck. You." she whispered and drifted off again.
"Hey! Hey! Hey! Stay with me, Jules!" Nora tenderly slapped Jules's cheeks and tried to keep her awake. She carefully propped Jules up and got some First Aid underway: she made her drink some water. Electrolytes included. "Julesy, you with me?" she asked worried.
Jules was still kinda delirious. She hadn't been drinking at all while hammering away at the punching bag. "Fuck. You." Her eyes fluttered shut again, her head tilted sideways and to the front.
"Come on, stay with me ..." Nora begged and knelt down next to her. She patted Jules's cheeks again to make her wake up.
It took a moment, but Jules came to again. "Fuck. You." she repeated.
"Who? Tom?"
Jules could barely keep her head upright. "Nope", she managed.
Nora looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Come on, Jules ... stay awake! You got this!" She grabbed her hands and held them close. "Who?" she asked again.
"Not Tom", Jules mumbled. She didn't have the stamina again as of yet to really talk, as she had absolutely overdone the kickboxing.
"You need a minute?"
Jules managed a tiny nod, and Nora plonked down next to her, wrapping an arm around her.

"Till now I always got by on my own 
I never really cared until I met you"