𝗢𝘂𝗿 𝗪𝗲𝗱𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗕𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘀

iv.

𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝟰

"𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘥 ? 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵, 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯'𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶"
- 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦, 𝘤.𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘺

✯ ✯ ✯

TW : ABUSE, PANIC ATTACK, HOMOPHOBIA, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

"You fucking freak ! Who helped you with those wounds, uh ? Was it your little girlfriend ? You make me wanna puke"

My father punched me restlessly in the face, and soon after put me in a chokehold. He lifted me until my bare feet couldn't reach the ground, then pin me against the nearest wall. His enormous hand squeezed my throat, every breath becoming difficult to take. I could feel myself leaving, my head pounded, my heart too.

"I swear I didn't tell anyone" I shook my head, tears pouring down my face.

"You disgust me" He spat, his grip tightening.

Black points. Black points and blur were all I could see. Maybe there is no light when death comes, just darkness. Whatever shade it takes, I would gladly get out of here. I was just numb, I couldn't feel anything, my ears rang, I couldn't move. Escape him was just an unattainable dream.

I think I fell, my head hit the ground.

I shut my eyes and embraced the darkness, hoping to never come back to the light again.

I woke up in cold sweat, gasping for air. My lungs burned and no matter how much oxygen I inhaled, it just wasn't enough. I was shivering and at the same time everything around me burned my skin.

"THEA !" My brother barged into my room.

"I can't- I can't-" I tried to say, my hyperventilating deteriorating every second.

He ran by my side and took my hands in his, "Thea listen to me" he said, crouching in front of me. "You can do this just follow my breath, in and out, in and out" He instructed slowly, placing my palms on his bare chest where I could feel his exaggerated breath and focus on it.

Normally this process lasts less than a minute but after bad nightmares like this it's always more. I always feel bad for my brother when I inflict something like this on him. I know he would ground me for even thinking about it but sometimes I can only think about what if he didn't saved me this 6th of March. Where he would be now if he didn't had to take care of a kid ? All the opportunities he missed because he had me. Anyway, I would probably be dead by now, from my father's fists or from my own hands.

"I'm so sorry" I collapsed in tears in his arms when I finally took control of my breathing .

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault pumpkin" He held me tightly but loosely enough for me to not feeling squeezed.

"Can you stay ?" I looked up at him, tears still streaming down my cheeks.

"Of course, come here" He laid down and motioned me to lay in his arms. I quickly put my head above his heart, feeling every heartbeat of his, which slowed down mines, while he kissed my head and stroked my hair which soothed me back to sleep.

I woke up feeling like shit.

My throat hurt, my eyes burned and my head spun.

I left my brother who seemed to be fast asleep and went showering hoping to go back to my normal self. I noticed my bed was empty when I got back in my bedroom, leaving room for me to dress in.