After Us

Chapter 5 : Secrets

It feels exactly like that night all over again.

The only difference this time is the reality that he would have to face after he's walked out of that door for the last time. Tharn will wake up and he will be long gone, hiding from him and hoping Tharn won't find him until he is ready to face him again.

Tharn is fast asleep, the pill he dropped into his drink worked its magic perfectly. It would be so easy to leave now, take whatever he could with him as planned, but he can't, not yet. He wants a little bit more time to stay here, watch the love of his life on their bed and kiss him, whisper everything he wishes to tell him when he's awake but can't.

"You're going to hate me for real this time, I know, but you have to know I'm not doing this to hurt you," he whispers anyway, fingertips light against the corner of Tharn's eyes. He ducks low and struggles with words he's spent the better part of the last few weeks convincing himself with, but even now, it still hurts.

He can't do this, but he knows he has to. Tharn's future is more important than his need to be with him, and he hopes that after Tharn is done being angry, he'll see his point. He thinks of all the things he's about to give up and chuckles, mirthlessly, because, how can he not? He's going to leave and he's going to hurt Tharn again, because he's selfish and stupid and he loves Tharn, but... he loves his mother too.

He loves them both so much that he knows there is no way he can choose. He doesn't have to, but this time, it's inevitable that he does.

"I love you so much, Tharn," he breathes and leans down to kiss the sleeping man's lips, once, then again because he can't help it. "Don't you ever forget it, okay? You're my life, asshole."

He kisses him again and pulls away after stamping a fourth, then a fifth kiss to Tharn's lips. Sliding down the bed and drawing a shaky breath as he takes the bag he's filled with clothes he probably won't even need, throwing Tharn one last look before tearing his gaze away completely.

"Goodbye, Tharn."

~~**~~

"What did you say?"

The look on Tharn's face said it all. He was having a hard time believing him, and for very obvious reasons. Type wished he could take it back, make something up to lessen the hurt but he knew he was only going to make matters worse if he did. Tharn needed to hear the truth, and Type was going to give it to him. Maybe not all, because, how could he? There were certain parts he'd rather keep to himself not only for Tharn's sake and he decided that it would be for the best.

He gazed past Tharn and swallowed through the uncertainty that lodged painfully in his throat.

"You heard me." he muttered.

"But Type, I... I don't understand," Tharn breathed, his voice trembling too, and Type found it difficult not to shake in answer. His hands worked their way from Tharn's hips to his face, cupping Tharn's cheeks and thumbing the soft skin under Tharn's eyes gently, carefully, while also painfully aware of the way their bodies were still connected. The contrasting sensation was making his breath hitch, and it was distracting and equal-parts frustrating.

He tried to pull away but Tharn wouldn't let him, keeping him pinned under the weight of his body while Tharn's eyes searched his face. A tiny movement made him fully aware of the way Tharn was hardening inside him, filling him once again as if he hadn't just fucked him hard and took him apart piece by piece not even five minutes earlier.

Ignoring the answering ache around his thighs at the very obvious reminder and pulling his hand away afterward, he nodded, darting his gaze away from Tharn's eyes to his lips.