After Us

Chapter 10 : Misplaced

The steps he took away from Type were the hardest, but he soldiered on.

He didn't look back despite the urge to do so when he stepped out of the main front door, biting his lips hard enough to draw blood and kept walking. He heard the sound of it closing behind him and the urge to turn completely around was so strong he had to literally command himself to ignore the need thrumming under his skin just so he wouldn't go back there and begged Type to let him in.

It was the hardest thing, walking away when every single part of him screamed to stay, to fight, but he knew he had to give in. He had to, more for Type's sake than his own. So he kept walking. He didn't glance back, nor did he allow himself to stop.

He got to the car minutes later, unlocked the driver's side door and stepped inside.

The lights in the house went out when he lifted his head just in time to see it, and the heavy feeling he carried with him when he started walking felt like it tripled in weight. He guessed this must be how Type felt when he left that morning, the misery that made every single step unbearable despite the hope that he carried in his heart, hoping Tharn would understand his decisions someday.

And he knew he would have, if only Type had been honest with him from the start. But he also couldn't blame Type for doing what he did, the circumstances that led him to his decisions given that he was caught in the middle of two people he loved most. He would have done the same if it were him, no questions asked.

How could he not forgive Type for breaking his heart after learning all the things he did tonight? It would be impossible not to, he realized, even despite Type's insistence not to disclose everything.

Seeing everything with his own two eyes made him realize that there was so much about Type leaving him that would have made sense if he didn't allow his heartbreak to consume him. If only he had listened. If only he stopped being stubborn for one goddamn minute and let them talk, things wouldn't have to end up this way.

Fuck, but he didn't. Obviously, he was partly to blame too.

He sighed heavily, eyeing the house from the car contemplating so many things at once. Remembering Type refusing him time and time again because he couldn't be man enough to be completely honest with him when he'd demanded the same from Type. It wasn't so hard to guess that Type knew something about him even though he was careful not to disclose anything. Tharn would have explained it further if only Type had allowed him to, but he guessed that was another problem they needed to sort out as well.

Somehow, it was also understandable that Type had his reservations for taking him back despite the obvious fact that he wanted to. He'd be stupid to think otherwise even when Type had vehemently said no - Type had pointed out his reasons for turning him down over and over again, and instead of coming out clean like he'd demanded from the other man when he'd decided to come here and find him, he didn't.

To be honest, clearing things out, at least from his part, was the least of his concerns. Nothing mattered to him during the last few hours he and Type were together but the two of them, the need to be close to Type, to satiate the hunger he felt for Type that never went away even when he was certain they were over. It was difficult to explain how he felt when he saw Type standing there at the clinic where he found him, but he hoped he was able to convey at least a tiny bit of that longing he'd suffered for two long years without Type when they were at the hotel earlier together.

He kept his gaze on the house despite knowing he should go, torn between leaving and staying knowing he couldn't get Type to say yes by being stubborn. He knew what must be done, but to do that, he needed help. Just like how he'd found Type. All the help he could get to find him.