After Us

Chapter 13 : Surprises

"How long are you going to keep doing this, Type?"

Type didn't dare look up to acknowledge his friend. He didn't need to see his face to know how disappointed Techno was in him. And how could he not? Type wasn't exactly making it easier for anyone not to feel that way for him even though he was the one at fault here. Everything that was wrong in his world right now was his doing and for what? God, he was so stupid.

There was the sound of shuffling feet, and this time, he found himself raising his head just to make sure Techno was alone. That he didn't stupidly let Tharn in to see him, hiding here like the coward he was.

"Man, seriously, this is fucked up and you know it. You can't keep doing this to yourself. God, just look at you." Techno didn't only sound pained, he looked like it too. His friend's normally cheerful voice was marred with something else entirely, the look on his face was so much worse. Type already felt bad for putting his friend in a position where he had to lie to another friend just to keep the other's secret - he knew he was only going to make things worse by choosing to hide here instead of going home to his parents or go someplace else where Tharn couldn't find him - but he doubted if Techno cared about it now that he had to see him like this, miserable and hurting because of his own stupidity.

God, but he could still hear Tharn's voice in his ear, shaking and just as miserable as Type was when he'd dropped by earlier to ask Techno again. It had been the third time in the last four days that Tharn came here unannounced, the third time in the last four days that Type opted on hiding in Techno's room instead of getting out there to face Tharn.

He knew he was being cruel. He knew he wasn't just hurting himself and Tharn for doing this, he was seriously ruining the only good thing in his life right now over something he had no control over. Tharn's bright future. His mother's recovery - they were both important to him, he would give everything in his power to make them happen, but there was no way he could be certain that they would just because he decided to choose one over the other.

He thought of Tharn and all those nights they stayed awake talking about the future, this trip to America that Tharn had been looking forward to, and his heart ached yet again for what he was doing, for what he was willingly giving up hoping he was doing the right thing.

He pushed himself further into the wall of his best friend's room and shook his head, burying his face into his hands if only so he didn't have to keep looking at Techno's face and be reminded of everything he wished to forget. Of how this stupidity was slowly killing him because he was allowing it.

"Type, come on. Talk to me. Please, you can't...Fuck, I can't even stand to look at you right now, man. Seriously, this has to stop." Techno said, and Type shook his head again.

He didn't need Techno to tell him these things. He wished he shouldn't. Type knew how this looked. He knew his best friend wasn't blind, and Type wasn't either. He knew what Techno was trying to tell him, why he kept on saying these things probably so Type would explain himself again because this thing was confusing at best and Type couldn't exactly blame him. He just barged in here and told Techno so little, trusting his best friend to just be the friend he needed him to be at the moment. He said nothing about why exactly he left the apartment and what made him hide from Tharn when it was obvious he'd rather be anywhere else but here.

God, he missed Tharn so much it was driving him insane.

"Y-You didn't tell him anything, did you?" he managed to ask minutes later, when he could finally speak without embarrassing himself. He still sounded like he'd had one too many drinks the night before, like he was talking through a mouthful of cotton and sandpaper shoved down his throat. It was fucking ridiculous. "No?"