After Us

Chapter 2 : Break

Type watched the exact moment Tharn turned around to leave, Tharn reaching the door in three huge strides as if the devil was after him.

The second he was out of sight, Type felt as if all his strength had left him, barely catching himself as he slid on the floor, shaking. He felt like a mess, certain he looked like it too; his heart was beating so fast he was breathing raggedly as a result, hand reaching up to clutch the front of his shirt as he screwed his eyes shut and willed himself to calm down.

He couldn't.

He could still feel his pulse racing, his heart beating a mile a minute as he stared at the door, still seeing Tharn's back as he walked out of it, his posture stiff and his steps almost faltering. Type almost followed him out, begging him not to leave, please don't leave, every single part of him screaming for Tharn's name, his heart breaking for him all over again.

He'd hurt the man who meant the world to him then, and he did it again without hardly even trying.

God, but they were in the same room only for a handful of minutes, but it was enough for him to see what the past two years did to Tharn. The hardened edges of his mouth as he forced out a smile, the almost permanent frown stretched across his forehead as he regarded Type a look. It was hard looking at Tharn, painful even, and it made sitting there all the more difficult knowing there was nothing he could do to make it better.

The pain in Tharn's eyes mirrored everything Type himself was feeling, maybe more. The lingering questions that brought them to that point. Type wanted to hate himself for being the reason Tharn was hurting, maybe more than he'd already hated himself for years since he decided that leaving was the best course of action, but he knew it wasn't going to change anything.

The second their gazes caught, the urge to run to Tharn and hold him was so strong Type had to literally remind himself over and over that he couldn't, that he had lost that right long ago when he broke Tharn's heart.

But it was hard, watching the only man he had ever loved looking at him with anguish in his eyes, even more so when he could still feel the pain radiating from him and Type couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Tharn," he found himself breathing Tharn's name, his heart clenching painfully in his chest at the way Tharn had regarded him earlier. The shock of seeing him standing there was only temporary, the fear and the longing following shortly after. Part of him knew this day was coming, hell, he'd told himself he should be ready, but it was still easier said than done.

To be honest, the decision to come here and spend his internship on the island, on this tiny, physical therapy clinic was to minimize the chances of him and Tharn crossing paths. It would most-likely happen in Bangkok, given the fact that he was still in constant contact with Tharn's family members, especially Tharn's mother and younger sister, and after learning from Tharn's mother that the other man had called to inform them he might be coming home for a vacation before the year ended, Type knew he needed to make a decision.

It was never an easy one, but it had to be done. To be honest, the pain didn't even come close to what he'd put himself through when he made the decision that morning two years ago, what he was certain he'd put Tharn through for leaving, but he knew that despite it, despite knowing he'd hurt them both in the end, he wouldn't have changed anything.

That if he were to do things differently, he would still choose this.

He would do it all over again and that was that. He'd go through that pain and endured it, because he knew that it was the right thing to do.

For Tharn. And for his parents, too.

He knew it was stupid and selfish on his part to hope that Tharn would forgive him, to wish that the two of them meet in different circumstances as they did earlier. Part of him was hoping this meeting was just an accident, but given the way Tharn obviously knew he would be there the moment he stepped out of the consultation room earlier told him otherwise.