Nobody Gets Me.

14

i still don't have a phone. that has not been my focus, more so my fucking car. beyoncé has been here and it's honestly been well. i'll randomly get upset about my car and she'll calm me down. just her sweet talks work miracles.

people keep saying i should just get a new car. their excuses are because of the key marks being so deep, but this isn't fucking skin! acting like it'll get an infection or some shit. then, when i ask how much to just work with it, they say an arm and a leg ass price. i'm not paying for a whole car to get my fucking car fixed. like be honestly for real.

but i don't want a new car! i love my charger, it's the best. i'll just get another one but i feel like i've grown an attachment to this one. i don't know....i don't want another car. this bitch carved L+O in my shit....then slashed my tires!!!!!! the tires weren't enough!? like she just had to go above with carving! dumbass trick.

"you know your phone is still in pieces outside?"

"i haven't been outside to know that." i mumbled from my iPad. i've been like rumi lately, so into my iPad and shutting out everyone. bey made fun of me yesterday because i was sitting at the kitchen table with my knees to my chest while watching a show on my iPad. then she took a picture and said i looked like a bad ass kid with silver teeth. i almost kicked her ass out.

it's like i don't even know what to do without my phone nor car. i can simply get a new phone but once again, that's not on my mind. i can do everything on my iPad and Macbook.

"chelle wants to go out tonight."

"nope."

"why not?"

"cause i know imma run into that bitch and y'all aren't gonna let me do what i wanna do." i shrugged eating my nuggets and fries. ok maybe i am an iPad kid, don't matter. "y'all acting scary."

"how we acting scary? onika you're talking about killing her....come on now. we aren't trying to say free you."

"sooner than later." i grumbled without paying her attention anymore. Ms. Keating is doing her thing right now. beyoncé can just stop talking at this point.

she was about to say something else until rumi came running into the dinning room area. i was eating at the table and bey was just in here talking to me while i wasn't listening. thankfully someone came to get her ass.

"my nika!"

"hi baby." i turned to her with a smile as she gave me excitement. she must've been hiding out and got bored of it because nothing has happened all day. lyric is at school right now, probably being a bad ass teenager.

"what you doin?" she mushed my leg and crawled in my lap before grabbing my face. one thing about my mimi, she's gonna touch. i had to get used to that...for her.

"i'm eating my food baby. are you hungry?"

"nope. i come see you before i take a nap."

"oh okay. you're giving yourself a nap time?"

she always does. rumi doesn't have to be told to go to sleep, she loves that shit. that's why we get along, we sleep. it's called bonding through our dreams.

"night." she hopped off my lap and ran out. i went back to my show but back to her when she ran back in. her little body ran into beys legs and she hugged her before placing a kiss on her thigh and running out. she's so funny. at least she knows that her mother is a jealous ass girl.

i shook my head going back to the show while pulling my knees to my chest. it's comfortable sitting like this at the table. momma would beat my ass if she knew i was sitting like this.

"childish." bey tried to whisper but i heard her. fuck her. "pay me some attention. i'm tired of watching you be boring."

"leave me alone." i ate a nugget. she's messing with my peace right now. i'm chilling.

"no. let's talk."

"about what?"

"i don't know...anything."

"i don't wanna talk giselle. leave me alone. i'm eating and watching tv, let me chill. when i start bothering you then you'll be upset."

"you never bother me though." the pout in her voice caught my whole attention.

i glared at her and turned my iPad off. she better not make me regret this because i'll really start ignoring her.

"so how are you feeling? how's work?"

"i feel great, nothings holding me back really, i just don't want to deal with this whole situation. she did the absolute most and i don't care what y'all talking about. i'm gonna beat her ass. as far as work, i'm chilling. i've done everything to move forward right now, the usual." i picked up my iPad and went to my designing app. that just reminded me that i had a whole wedding wardrobe to put together.

"i just don't want you to get in trouble. as much as i don't like her and want her to get her ass beat, i wanna do it."

"you're not fighting lauren."

mainly because i know lauren is a hood rat and if she hurts bey, i'm gonna go crazy. i do not give a damn. that girl has lost her ever lasting mind. we could've simply talked about things but she just went ballistic.

"i do what i want."

i glared at her to see a smirk and rolled my eyes. she always wanna play, i'm so serious. she's not fighting that girl. i went back to my designs as we ended the conversation. beyoncé knew not to start it back up with me, i'm not even in the mood to talk about it.

"onika."

"whhhaaatt?" i didn't even look up at her, just kept in my iPad. she's just bothering me at this point like damn.

"why you do me the way you do?"

"how do i do you?"

"like you don't care." i felt her presence above me and then looked. what she has on is very... revealing. i don't really care about what she wears but when she's in front of me, i have to care. "i know you care about me." she sat down in my lap. i didn't stop her, just let her get comfortable. let her pull my arms around her and everything. "finish what you're doing."

"with you in my lap like this?"

"with me in your lap like this." she repeated as a statement and i did as told. grabbing my iPad and starting my designs back.

"do you see yourself getting back with me onika?"

"without a doubt."

"you act like you're over me and want no dealings."

"you're sitting in my lap, right on my pussy and i've been kissing you since i don't know how long."

"yea but those are only physical things. i just want to feel like you still have love for me within."

"i do...i've never stopped loving you bey. i don't think i ever can. truthfully."

that's definitely the truth. she's not my first love but she's my longest love. the first person to show me that they love me back and is willing to keep that love alive. although we haven't been together, i see her dedication to get us back together.

"what will it take for me to get you back?" she rubbed my arms as i worked.

"you're doing everything you can honestly. we could get back together anytime now, but i just don't want to yet. i need a little more time."

"yaknow.....lyric said she hated me at some point."

"i know. kind of realized that in the beginning when she would only stay at my house. she would have a whole fit when she had to go home, but i would fix her before she even got in the car to meet you."

"i hate that my mistakes affected her as well."

"you only thought about yourself."

"i did."

"i would hope that you've learned your lesson in four years."

"i've learned my lesson and everyone else's too." she chuckled and i shook my head. "i love you onika."

"i love you too beyoncé."