midnight musings

Honestly

Is everyone I know lying to me?

It's a reoccurring thought that never fails to hit me in the back of my head like a boomerang.

I know trustworthy people, but I still don't trust them.

I question the intentions of everyone, even myself.

I can't read the thoughts of others, so I will always doubt.

I am generally honest. My lies are usually white lies (truths with some sugarcoating or trimming).

However I always get the feeling that everyone is lying.

That lies spew from their mouths like fountains, and I just frolic in their falsehood.

I can't bring myself to see good in others when I've seen evils for so long.

I walk through life with my fists guarding my face, leaving no hand for anyone to hold.

Whenever the truth is told to me, I don't believe it. I'll find out later if it was true, but even then I'll still doubt.

The truth is the hardest pill to swallow on which I can't bring myself to force down.

As I lay in bed, second-guessing and doubting the intentions of every life form I come in contact with, I feel my spirits slipping away.

I feel them falling because I know that I'll never have a healthy relationship with anyone if I can't trust.

If I can't take the honesty when it's served to me on a silver platter, I'll never truly connect.

People ask me why, why do I not believe them? Why don't I trust them?

Then they think I'm lying, and that's when I tell them the truth.

I honestly don't know.