Boarding School for Giants (G/T)

Part 21

The bell hadn't rung yet to signal the end of the day, meaning Joey was still in class. I decided to go back to my dorm. My thoughts were a tangled mess, and I needed to work through them. My world, yet again, had been violently turned upside-down and mixed up like a cocktail shaker. I had assumed that I was stranded here at the giant boarding school after my mother abandoned me. The tantalizing opportunity to return to a normal life, with other humans my size, was something I had been pining for ever since I first got here.

So why was my heart in such turmoil? As I biked through the vast, empty halls of the giant school, I was reminded of how small and insignificant I had felt upon my arrival, like hardly a person at all. Certainly, I was tiny when compared to a giant, I couldn't deny that. But insignificant? No. Mr. Henderson and Joey treated me with kindness and respect, and attended to my needs to the best of their abilities. The other giant students, such as Stephanie, were beginning to notice me more and recognize me as an individual. Hell, even the giants who hated me like the principal or the student who swallowed me out of spite still attributed some meaning to my presence; otherwise, they would have treated me with indifference, rather than such execrable contempt.

I realized that a lot had changed within me in the short time I had been here. While I still got nervous around giant strangers I didn't know, for obvious reasons, I wasn't absolutely terrified of all giants like I had been initially. Like the human doctor had told me, the feeling faded with time. Despite my excessive, egregious suffering, my attitude and behavior had improved significantly overall. I didn't lash out at everything and everyone around me and misbehave just for the sake of it. External factors were a huge reason for the difference, but internally I was affected as well. In my personal trial by fire, I discarded my weaknesses and discovered strength, bravery, and resilience I didn't know I had, along with a new blossoming force within me that wanted to be better, to fight for something more than a tormented existence.

I biked through the doors of the school out into the courtyard, brightly lit by the afternoon sun. The colossal trees were starting to shed their leaves for the fall season, leaving the pavement and grass peppered with vivid hot splashes of red, orange, and yellow in varying shades. The leaves rustled and crunched in a satisfying way under the narrow tires of my bike as I sped along. The languid warmth of the summer breeze was gradually giving way to the crisp autumn air.

I couldn't deny that this giant world was beautiful, and had its own appeal to it. I thought about Joey and Mr. Henderson. Joey was so sweet and thoughtful, and I had developed an irresistible crush for him. Mr. Henderson had been by my side since the beginning, and was more of a father figure to me than my absent biological father. Could I really give up the strong ties I had forged to live with humans again? Was it worth it?

If I went back to the human side of the wall, I'd be put in "the system," a cold and impersonal machine for processing the unwanted, a ruthless bureaucracy that chewed up people and spat them back out. I would live in an orphanage or be relocated to live with strangers. Maybe they would be nice people, or maybe not: There was no way to know for certain. I would be alone again, and would have to start everything from scratch. My old life was dead to me; nobody loved or missed me over there, or waited eagerly for me to come back. Not even my own mother. I pushed her out of my mind. She didn't deserve to occupy my thoughts anymore.

Instead, I tried to picture what a life here would look like, with Mr. Henderson as my father. My father. I could have an affectionate father again, one who would care for me and love me. A comforting glow flowed into my soul, overflowing through my body until even the hole inside me disappeared. The idea was alluring. I could dream of a rosy future.

A glance at the watch on my wrist snapped me back into cold reality. I was really only parsing through the positives, as if trying to convince myself to accept an idealistic image of what could be. I wanted a father so badly, I was almost willing to set aside the painful truth that I simply didn't belong here. It was a dream, nothing more.