Boarding School for Giants (G/T)

Part 11

For the first time in a long time, I felt happy, even exhilarated, like a candle was warming my insides. I picked up dinner on my way out of the giant school and started biking home. My heart was fluttering, but not from fear. I still experienced a heightened anxiety every time I had to bike past a giant, but I wasn't consumed by those negative emotions as I had been earlier. I could handle the unfathomable size of everything now, as impossible and overwhelming as it all was.

I felt as if, for the moment, everything would be okay. Even so, I found myself thinking about my mother again. I wondered how she was faring without me. My good mood soured quickly. I wished I could just talk to her, find out the truth. Did she really abandon me, or was she doing this to me for my own good? The lack of clarity on the issue frustrated me to no end. We always had a rocky relationship, ever since my dad had left and ripped our family apart, but deep down I still cared. I relied on her, as much as I hated to admit it to myself. If I just had my phone, I could call her and ask her directly.

Pushing those thoughts aside, my mind wandered to Joey again. I was grateful to finally have a friend among my peers, and I didn't feel quite so alone. I just hoped the friendship would last. He wasn't the sort of person I usually hung out with. Many of my peers judged me harshly for my saucy attitude, and I was accustomed to filling the role of the "bad" kid. I usually hung out with other "bad" kids who wouldn't look down on me for acting up or smoking, but many of them were jerks too. All my life I always felt like a puzzle piece that didn't fit anywhere.

Of course, I knew a big part of that sentiment was my fault. I didn't want to get too close to anyone, only to be abandoned and hurt as my father had did to me, so I pushed people away with my bad behavior and held them at arm's length. In essence, I had sharpened my deep sadness and loneliness into a spear of rage to poke at anyone who tried to enter my inner sanctum. Maybe it was time for me to change and adapt, as my circumstances were radically different now. Already, I had undeniably lost some of my edge just in the few days I had been in the world of giants, living with constant fear and intimidation. I desperately needed a support system here. I couldn't push people away like I usually did, or else I might not survive.

These personal reflections were sobering, and I was deep in thought when I finally made it back to my dorm. As I put my bike in the rack and went inside, I resolved to do better, to be a better me. I would try to be more open, more gregarious, less abrasive and disagreeable to others. Less of a prickly cactus, more of a soft blooming flower. The change wouldn't be easy, but considering all the factors I had to do it.

Now, though, I was tired, and needed to rest my weary legs and nerves. I changed into more comfortable clothes, ate the dinner I snagged from the lunchroom, and vegged out to some death metal for a while. I craved a cigarette to help me relax, but I was out. I guess I needed to quit anyway. New me, right? I sighed.

Every once in a while the building rumbled as giants walked past. I didn't think I could ever get used to how huge they were, or how small I felt. The light outside started to fade. I got up to turn on a light when suddenly the floor underneath me shook like an earthquake, nearly knocking me over, and the last rays of the setting sun were blotted out by shadow. I glanced over at the nearest windows and saw multiple pairs of giant shoes. The building was encircled by giants.

All my thoughts earlier about being more outgoing and friendlier flew out of my head. I panicked and sprinted like a wild rabbit to the kitchen, thrusting open the cabinet under the sink and squeezing inside the hiding place I had scoped out earlier for such a contingency. I barely made it in on time before I heard the all-too-familiar click of the roof unlatching and a strained groan as it swung open. I didn't dare to move. My frantic heartbeat thudded so loud I almost believed whoever was out there would be able to hear it.