Roommates with Benefits [COMPLETED]

Chapter 48 - Bad decisions

Emma

"You've known Knightley for a while, right?" Hannah asks as we're getting ready to go out.

"Sure," I say and focus on my mascara.

"How long?"

I have to think about it for a while. "About twelve, no, thirteen years." I frown at the mascara. Have I really known him for thirteen years? That's a long time.

"And has he ever had a serious girlfriend?"

I hate this conversation, but I can't bring myself to tell Hannah what happened. Or think about her crush on him. "A couple. He was with his high school girlfriend for a year and a half, I think. Why?"

"Just wondering." Hannah shrugs and holds out two pairs of shoes. "Black or gray."

"Black," I say and move on to my lips.

For once, we're going out clubbing, just the two of us. And I plan on getting drunk and having fun. I'm in a tight black dress and ready to forget the world.

"So he's been kind of like a brother to you, then?"

"Yeah." I pause. He's been in my life longer than my mother was. The thought is overwhelming.

"So, you know-him know him."

"I guess."
"Then I want you to be honest with me. Do you think he could ever like me?"
I put down the gloss and take a deep breath. I can't do this anymore. My insides are dying and it's too much. "Hannah?"
"Just tell me."
I study her face for a while, but she seems confident and strong. I need to let some of it out. And right now, I'm hurting so badly I almost don't care if I hurt her as well.

"I'm in love with him."

The words leave me and sink to the ground. They're so heavy, I'm certain they will crash right to the center of the earth.

Hannah blinks. "Emma."

I swallow. "I'm sorry." I shouldn't have said anything. This is going to make her hate me.
"Is that why you moved out? Does he know? What does he feel?"
I shake my head. "It doesn't matter. It didn't work out." Blinking frenetically, I try to keep the tears from ruining my make-up. This is when she yells at me. Or kicks me out.

But she doesn't look angry. As tears break free and roll down my cheeks, her shock and surprise is exchanged for a look of concern.
She does the last thing I expected. She hurries up to me and gives me a hug.

"Emma, you should have told me."

I hug her back. "I didn't want to fall in love," I sniffle. "And then you said you had a crush on him."
"Oh, Emma. That's just a silly crush." She leans back and wipes a tear from my cheek with her thumb. "I didn't know you loved him. I'm so blind to these things."

"And you're not mad at me?"
She shakes her head. "He already turned me down. I'll get over him." She sighs. "And I wouldn't have done anything if you would have told me. Why didn't you tell me?"

I pull myself together. "Well, it doesn't matter anymore. It's all over now."
She wipes at my cheeks again. "We don't have to go out."
"No, I want to." I try to smile, but it just makes Hannah look more concerned. "Tonight I want to forget everything and dance and drink."

"We can do that." She smiles. "Let's go wild."
I laugh at how strange it sounds coming from her. It took me a while to convince her to go out. I know she'd rather sit at home and watch a movie. But I also know that for me, she will do this.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asks when we've called for a car and are finishing getting ready.

"Maybe later. Not tonight. Tonight, I just want to forget."