Only, Always, and Forever You

1 - Lonely

Amara's POV:

This morning is like any other, I wake up, eat breakfast, and get ready for school.

I like to dress nicely when I can, but unfortunately, I don't have a super wide variety of clothes to pick from. Still, I make due. I come from a modest family. By this, I mean that we aren't the most financially stable.

It's just been me, my mom, and my brother since I was young, so it's been hard for my single mother to provide for my sibling and I. She works two jobs, and she usually isn't home. My brother is older than me and has a girlfriend, so he isn't usually home either; he stays at his girlfriend's apartment.

So, I'm usually home alone.

I used to enjoy it, not having to share a space with anyone or have anyone else ordering me around.

Now, I hate it. I'm lonely and sad. I miss my family. I only see my mom for a couple hours at most every other day, and my brother doesn't even bother to drop by unless he needs something or wants to boss me around.

I don't have many friends, but I guess I don't really try to get to know anyone. It's difficult for me to have a simple conversation, so I doubt that I could become close with anyone. I'm too shy and awkward.

I also don't let others in easily. My experiences in the past have taught me that friendships aren't meant to last. But my history with friends is a whole other story...

I'm friendly with everyone, but I can't seem to let myself make a lasting bond with anyone. So, I'm constantly alone and probably look like a loser to everyone around me. I hate that social part of school.

That being said, despite the social aspect, I love school. I know it's nerdy of me to say that because what teenager willingly admits to liking school? Well, I do. Not openly, because then I'd be even more unpopular, but I do enjoy it.

I've always loved to learn, and I especially love books. Getting lost in the pages and imagining wild, magical fantasies that I can only dream of living. It's my favorite. For this reason, I spend more time at the library than anywhere else, which is probably another reason I don't have many friends.

I decide to stop moping about my empty apartment and start getting ready for the day. I have no one to impress, but that doesn't stop me from taking care of my appearance.

I pick out a large, white knitted sweater and my favorite pair of thrifted jeans. I pair them with my only shoes: beat-up converse. I dress my pierced ears in simple jewelry and clip my long black hair out of my face with a claw clip. For makeup, I only put on a small bit of mascara and some lip gloss.

I look at myself in the mirror, and I'm proud of the look I've put together. If only I were different, then I would look perfect.

I turn and walk away from my mirror, leaving my room. As I exit my apartment, I lock the front door and then place my keys into my bag.

I don't have a car, so public transport takes me to and from school everyday. My brother used to drive me, but now I'm lucky if I even see him once a month.

To keep my mind busy during the 20 minutes it takes the subway to get to my school's block, I play music through my headphones as I continue reading my current book: Emma by Jane Austen. I have read it before, but it's one of my favorites, so I enjoy rereading it.

* * *

I emerge from the subway station and walk another couple minutes to get to my school's entrance. I lower my head and keep it that way, locking eyes with the floor beneath me. My first period of the day is Biology, so I start making my way towards that room.

I'm honestly just looking forward to my last two periods of the day: AP Literature with Ms. Greene and then a free period, which I'll likely spend in the library.

I don't mind Ms. Greene's class because she never calls on me randomly, which I appreciate as a socially anxious person. I can also tell that she is like me, which helps me feel more at ease.

She loves books and she's quiet, but she also knows how to teach her students. She's young, probably in her late twenties, and she has short brown hair and hazel eyes. She is always wearing an impressive outfit, which she pairs with complementary colorful glasses. But above all else, my favorite thing about her is that she is kind and sweet.

I know it's kind of pathetic, but she's the closest thing to a friend I've got...