Only, Always, and Forever You

11 - Trouble in Paradise

Amara's POV:

Cole and I sit in almost silence, and the only thing I can hear is his heavy breathing. His hand is grip so tightly around the gearshift that his knuckles are turning white. I look up to his face, and I watch his clenched jaw as his nostrils flare.

I know I told myself I'd wait for him to open up to me, but it's painful for me to think about how he must be feeling. I want him to be okay...

"What's on your mind, Cole?" I test the waters with a baseline question. I make sure to speak in a voice even softer than my normal.

When I speak, he visibly starts to relax a little. His shoulders ease, his grip on the gearshift loosens, and he slightly unclenches his jaw. I can tell he's still distraught though.

"It's nothing, I just—" he begins to say, but then tries to shrug it off, "It's nothing."

"I'm all ears if you need to get something off your chest," I offer sweetly.

I don't want to push him, but I want him to know that I'll always be here for him. I know we aren't that close, and we've only known each other for like 24 hours, but he already means something to me. So naturally, I'll be here for him if he needs me.

"It's just my dad," he sighs, and I can tell a big weight lifts off his chest, "But it's nothing I'm not used to. I'll be fine."

Just as he was starting open up, he closed right back up again.

"Cole, it's clearly not nothing, I—"

"Amara, I said it's fine! God, stop being so annoying!" He snaps at me.

I've always been a sensitive person, and I don't take it lightly when I get yelled at. Even though I know, I hope, he didn't mean it that way, it still stings a little. This is the first time in a while I've actually tried to comfort someone— The first time in a while that I've even initiated a conversation at all, and he calls me annoying.

Maybe I should just stick to staying quiet. Look where talking got me...

The rest of the drive to my house is tense and dead silent. When we pull up outside my apartment building, I quickly get out. After a few steps, I hear a second car door slamming behind me, followed by a:

"Wait! Amara, please, wait!"

I come to an abrupt stop, but I don't turn around. I can't face him or else I'll cry, and that will only be embarrassing. I mean, he just snapped at me. It's not like he said something heartbreaking.

I feel his presence behind me, and I can hear his light panting from him running after me from his car.

"Amara, please, look at me," he pleads.

I can't. But I do.

I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from tearing up, and I remain silent, waiting for him to speak.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you. You were only checking in on me. I-I'm sorry I took that out on you. You didn't deserve that," he apologizes as he looks into my honey-colored eyes, which are probably getting teary.

I cry when people yell at me, I cry when people apologize to me, I cry a lot. I'm just a very emotional person, okay? Let me live.

"I-It's okay, Cole," I say timidly, almost mumbling because I'm so quiet.

"No. It's not. I just want you to know that I didn't mean it, but you shouldn't forgive me. I'm not a good person in general, so I don't deserve your forgiveness. Y-you should just stay away from me... I shouldn't have come into your life in the first place... I'm sorry," he says, and I swear I can see his eyes start to swell, too, but before I can tell for sure he drops his head down.

I want to tell him that he is a good person. That I forgive him because I want to. That he has been nothing but kind to me, and him yelling at me doesn't change how much I appreciate him.

But I don't say anything. I freeze, speechless.

He waits a couple seconds, and when I don't say anything else, he turns around and heads back to his car. He speeds off the second his door closes, and just like that, he's gone.

God, Amara!! How stupid can you be?!

I scold myself for not speaking up and saying what's on my mind. But I can't say this is the first time I haven't said something when I wanted to.

I wish I were more confident, more bold. I wish I didn't overthink everything to the point where I have crippling anxiety over how to say 'hello'.

The first 'friend' I make in so long, and I can't even manage to keep him around for more than 24 hours.

Ugh!!

Cole's POV:

I can't believe I just did that.

Actually, I can believe that I did that.

I just can't believe that I did that to her.

She has been nothing but kind to me: caring, sweet, thoughtful, and just kind. She is one of the only people in this world that I would willingly spend time with, and I fuck everything up in the blink of an eye.

I hated seeing the way her eyes got teary, and I hated that what I said hurt her. I hated that I would even say that to her.

She's not annoying. She's probably the only not annoying person in this universe.

What makes it even worse is that she was only trying to comfort me. She's so empathetic, and I admire that about her. She could tell I was upset, and she could tell something was wrong, and when she tried to ask if I was okay, I completely shut her out.

I didn't just shut her out, though. I pushed her away, and that's the last thing I ever want to do.

Honestly, my night couldn't get any worse.