Only, Always, and Forever You

23 - Doofus

Amara's POV:

After reading the note he left me, I can't stop the butterflies that are fluttering in my stomach. My entire body feels warm, and I can't stop smiling. No one has shown me this much care in so long. I know my mother still loves me, as I do her, but she just isn't home enough for it to be the same.

I decide to text Cole to let him know I read it. And also because I now have a reason to talk with him...

Me: Thank you, for everything. You have no idea how much it means to me.

I hit the send button and flop back onto my bed, not looking at the screen and holding my breath as if that will make him respond faster.

I guess it works because I hear a ding shortly after.

Cole: Of course. But the next time I see you, you better stay awake long enough for me to say goodbye.

I laugh at his playful remark, and I decide to reciprocate the energy and keep the conversation alive.

Me: What can I say? Stop being so boring and maybe I'll let you. ;)

Cole: Getting bold now, are we? Two can play at that game, Amara.

I'm confused by his text, wondering what he means by the last line. I'm confused, that is, until my phone starts to ring and the caller ID reads: Cole.

Damn him. Calling people is so foreign to me, and I usually prefer to keep it to text. However, something in me wants to play his game, so I accept the call.

"Hey, princess," he greets, and I suddenly feel all the confidence I had dissipate as I'm left with a warm blush rising to my cheeks.

"H-hey," I reply sheepishly.

"Are you going to fall asleep again if I tell you something?" he teases playfully.

I scoff at him over the phone, "Only if you don't keep me entertained, pretty boy," I poke fun in return, quickly regretting my choice of words.

Pretty boy?

Who the hell says pretty boy?

He probably thinks I'm so—

"Pretty boy, huh?" he questions, disregarding my tease. I can hear the amusement in his voice.

"Don't let it get to your head," I respond flatly, still a little embarrassed at my choice of name.

"You think I'm pretty?" I can practically hear the smirk on his face as he pries, trying to get me to admit it again.

"I could call you 'doofus' if you'd prefer that," I mock playfully, melting at the sound of his laugh over the phone.

"So," I continue, trying to change the subject, "Tell me what you wanted to say before I fall asleep."

He chuckles again, and I swear I lose my mind, "Well, I actually just wanted to say..."

I wait patiently for his response, sitting silently for a few seconds before he finally finishes.

"Good bye, Amara," he chuckles maniacally before hanging up the phone.

I roll my eyes at his childishness, but I can't deny the grin that dances on my lips.

Cole: Aren't I mature? ;)

Me: Very...

Although I hate to admit it, I'm kind of sad the call ended. I liked hearing his voice over the phone for some reason, even though it's nothing compared to what it is in person. Even if he was just teasing or joking around, just hearing him speak brought me comfort. I could fall asleep to his voice, even if it were saying the stupidest things because somehow, stupid things don't sound stupid when they're coming from him.

Cole: I'll pick you up at 7 tomorrow for school? Unless you don't want to go, which is all good.

I smile at his soft assurance, and I warm at his offer to drive me, which isn't really an offer so much as a statement.

Me: I'll meet you outside at 7. Goodnight, doofus ;)

Cole: Goodnight, princess <3

Holy shit. Am I dreaming right now? I pinch myself to check. Ow! Definitely not dreaming...

Does he mean it the way I think he means it? The way I want him to mean it? No... probably not, right?

Who am I kidding? Definitely not.

Not only am I a loser, a nerd, and a nobody, but I'm also a mere nuisance. He probably just put it there to make me feel better after what he saw today. He probably just did it to make me feel better. Nothing more...

Regardless of his intended meaning, I still get goosebumps and feel like I could run a marathon from all of the excitement bottled up in my body.

However, the warm feeling starts to fade as I remember earlier today. He saw me crying at my father's grave. He probably heard me talk about how lonely and pained I feel. He held me and comforted me in the moment I needed it most. He saw me at me worst, and he didn't leave me like everyone else.

He stayed. He actually stayed.

That has to count for something.

I don't know exactly how I feel about him. It's not something I can name with one word. I feel safe around him, and I feel like he's here to stay. But at the same time, he shut me out so easily, and he closes himself off to me continuously.

Whatever it is that I do feel, I know that it scares me. Whether it's a friendship or... something more... it terrifies me that I'm letting another person into my life with the risk of them leaving.

Am I ready to put myself in that position again?

I'm not sure if I am. But how do I stop myself from getting attached? More than I already am...

I can't think about this anymore tonight. I need to sleep some more before I use too much brain power on reading too much into something that isn't even there.

I wish you were still here, Papa.

I know you'd understand.

I also know you'd like him.