Back to us | Alexia Putellas

Whatever it takes.

Back at my apartment later that afternoon, I pulled my phone out of my pocket to make the first move.

Maybe I could text her...

Ale 🥰

Hey Ale, what are you doing this evening?

I haven't got anything planned, probably just watch a film with Nala, why?

Do you want to come over?

Do you want me to come over Isy? I'll do whatever you want me to...

Yeah, I want you to come

Then I'm on my way 😊

Knowing that Alexia was on her way to my apartment immediately made the butterflies return to my stomach, but something about them felt different. I wanted to see her, but the thought of having her back in my apartment again after all this time was making me nervous.

I started to walk towards the kitchen to get a glass of water when I caught sight of myself in the mirror that was hanging in the hallway. I looked a mess. My hair was pulled up into a messy bun with strands of hair falling down my neck and I was still wearing my team tracksuit from this morning. 

Alexia lived about a 15 minute drive away from my apartment, so I didn't have a lot of time to make myself look presentable. I headed straight into the bathroom, washed my face and finally let my hair out of the bun it had been in since this morning. As I was brushing my hair, I heard a gentle knock on my apartment door.

Alexia was here already.

I checked my hair one last time in the mirror, before picking up my crutches and slowly making my way towards the door.  My heart rate increased as I got closer to the door, until the moment that I reached for the handle, when it felt like my heart had stopped.

I opened the door and my eyes were immediately greeted by Alexia. She was stood with one hand resting against the doorframe and the other cradling a familiar fluffy pup in her arm.

She spoke first, almost before the door had even fully opened.
"Hey Isy" she smiled.

"Hola Ale"
"Hola Nala" I smiled down at the small dog, before returning my eyes to Alexia's.

"She really wanted to come too, I hope that that is ok?" Alexia asked shyly, looking down at Nala.

"Of course it is... come in" I mumbled nervously, stepping to the side to let them both in.

Alexia walked into my apartment and placed Nala down on the floor. We both watched as she immediately ran down the hall, jumped onto the sofa and curled up in a ball on the blanket. The same blanket that she had slept on hundreds of times before, whenever she and Alexia had spent the night here. It was her favourite spot.

Both Alexia and I let out a small chuckle at the sight, before turning back to look at each other.

"I can't believe that she remembers" I smiled at Alexia.

"I know... she's just gone straight back to how it was" Alexia joked.

I thought that Alexia being here again after all this time would feel strange and it did, but not in the way I was expecting. It wasn't her physical presence in my apartment that felt strange, if anything it felt normal. In the past it had become the norm for Alexia and Nala to be here, they had practically moved in before I went to Manchester. The strange part was that I had no idea what the dynamic of our relationship was at the moment, in the past we would have spent the evening cuddled up on the sofa with Nala watching a movie before heading to bed together, but tonight I had no idea what was going to happen. I had no expectations of what tonight was going to be.

After a few awkward moments standing in the hallway with Alexia, both of us looking at Nala peacefully sleeping on the sofa, I turned to walk towards the kitchen.

"Do you want a drink?"

Alexia began to follow me into the kitchen before answering.
"Yeah, that would be great"

"Lemonade?" I asked as I opened the fridge and pulled out the jug. Fresh lemonade had always been Alexia's favourite drink, and over the course of our relationship it had become mine too, so much so that I always kept a jug of it in the fridge.

"You know me so well" Alexia joked as she joined me in the kitchen, pulling out two glasses from the cupboard and filling them with ice from the freezer.

The fact the she still knew where everything was after all this time surprised me, but why wouldn't she... my apartment was exactly that same as it used to be. It was like time had stood still in here, the furniture was laid out the same, the walls were still the same colour and the pictures hanging on them hadn't moved. In this moment it felt like we had gone back in time and it was a normal evening with Ale and Nala staying over, but it wasn't. Nothing about this felt normal, no matter how much I wanted it to.

I was overwhelmed.

I think Alexia could tell how I was feeling just from looking at me. She quickly placed the glasses down on the side while looking slightly embarrassed.
"Oh- I'm sorry- I shouldn't have- I just- It's just a habit. I'm sor-" She rambled, her cheeks beginning to flush.

"Ale, it's ok" I interrupted her.

"It's just weird. It feels like no time has passed since we were last here, but it has and so much has happened since then. I want to be able to forget everything because I miss you and I want us to move on, but I-I don't know if I can. You hurt me Ale... and I know that you were hurting too, but I-I- ." I was now the one who was rambling, my emotions getting the better of me as the tears in my eyes flooded my vision. Maybe inviting her over had been a mistake... maybe I wasn't ready.

Alexia didn't say anything, she just took a few steps closer and reached her arms out towards me.
"I don't know about you, but I could really use a cuddle"

I took a step forward and nodded, the tears that had filled my eyes now escaping.

Alexia quickly wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me closer to her. This is what I needed. I needed to feel close to her again and forget everything that had happened... for a moment at least. I wrapped my arms around the back of her neck and nuzzled my face into the side of her neck.

After standing in each others arms for a few moments, Alexia started to speak.
"Isy, I don't expect you to forgive me. I will never be able to forgive myself for what I did to you. I have thought about what I should have done so many times over the last 2 years, wishing I could go back in time and change it, but I can't. I was so stupid, I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me, I ruined us."

She stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing, her voice now quieter than before.

"I hope that there will be an us again one day, because I love you Isy. I have loved you every single day for the last 5 years and I will never stop, even if that means that I have to love you from a distance, I just want you to be happy."

After listening to what Ale had said, I lifted my head from her shoulder and looked into her hazel eyes.

"I love you too Ale" I whispered, resting my forehead against hers.

"Can we just take things slowly? I don't want to rush back into this" I asked quietly, nervous about what her response was going to be.

"Of course Isy, whatever it takes."

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