Back to us | Alexia Putellas

Honesty

I went back to Ale's after training, no matter how I felt I knew that we needed to discuss what we were both thinking. I wanted her to be happy about the thought of me selling my apartment, but there was something that was stopping that from happening. There was something bothering her, I could tell from her reaction that there was something holding her back, I just needed to find out what. Every possibility had ran through my head as I tried to get sleep last night. Was she having doubts about us? Was she regretting asking me to move in with her? Did she want me to move out? Did she want us to end?

As I turned the key in the front door and pushed it open I was quickly greeted by Nala bouncing around by my feet, the small pup excited to see me after being away from her for the first time in weeks.

"Hola baby" I smiled at her before throwing my bag onto the floor and leaning down to sweep her up into my arms.

"Hey" Ale called out as she appeared at the bottom of the stairs, a small smile beginning to spread across her face as she looked at me.

"I was talking to Nala"

"Oh- yeah I know" She stuttered, her cheeks flushing slightly.
"I didn't think that you were coming back today"

"I didn't think I was either, but I think that we need to talk" I spoke quietly as I placed Nala back down on the wooden floor.

Neither of us knew what to say next, we awkwardly stood there for a few moments, silence being the only thing that filled the room until Ale took a few steps closer to me and finally started speaking.
"I really didn't mean what I said Isy"

"I don't want to fight with you... I just don't understand, you asked me to move in with you... I thought that you would be happy. I'm all in Ale and if you aren't then I need you to tell me, because I can't go through it all again"

"I am, I love you so much Isy and I hate that I keep hurting you, I just- I just feel selfish"

"Selfish?"

"Yeah, I quit on us because I thought that it was the best thing for me. I begged you to forgive me because I wanted you back in my life again. I asked you to move in with me, in my house and now you're giving up your home for me. I'm being selfish."

"My home is wherever you are Ale, I don't care where we live... I just want to be with you"

"I'm sorry" she spoke softly, her hazel eyes staring across the room towards me.

I understood what she was saying, I had thought the same thing at one point. I wanted to live with Ale more than anything, I wanted to wake up next to her every morning and fall asleep next to her every night, but I did wonder why I was the one giving up the home that I had built for myself over the last 5 years and Ale got to keep hers.

"Can I have a hug?" She asked in a whisper, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Only if I can have one too" I smiled and made my way across the room towards her, opening my arms wide for her.

That hug was all I needed to know that she wasn't having doubts about us, she wasn't regretting asking me to move in with her, she just wanted everything to be perfect so that it didn't become something that would ruin us further down the line.

"Why didn't you just tell me that last night instead of being off with me?" I asked.

"I don't know... I was stupid " she mumbled into my neck.

We had been stood there in our embrace for a while, neither of us wanting to be the first to let go when a thought popped into my head.

"Can I run an idea past you?"

"Mmmhmm, what is it?"  she mumbled into our embrace.

"If it's not something that you want to do then that's fine, I love it here and I-"

"What is it?" She interrupted me, pulling back slightly so that she could look into my eyes, brushing a stand of hair behind my ear.

"If you're worried that you're being selfish, then why don't we both give up our homes... and find one together" I suggested nervously.

"Buy a house... together?" She asked, unsure whether she had understood me properly.

"Yeah, but if you want to stay here then I totally understand. I love this place"

"I think it's a great idea" she smiled, placing her hands on my cheeks and pulling my face towards hers, before planting her lips onto mine.
"Lets find a home for us"

We spent the next few hours talking about our decision and discussing what we wanted in our home. We talked about where was wanted to live, deciding on moving a bit further away from the training ground so that we could separate our work and home lives a bit more, how many bedrooms we wanted, what size garden we would like and other characteristics that we would both like in our future home.

I was excited about the prospect of finding a home together with Ale, to others it might look like we were moving quickly, but it didn't feel like that to me, it felt like the perfect time to take this step together. We may have only been back together for few months, but we had been years in the making, it wasn't a whirlwind relationship in fact it was the opposite, it had felt like a marathon, it had taken years to get to this point and I was more than ready for it.

__________

"I don't want to start another argument, but- can I ask you something?" Ale asked as we sat on the sofa together that night, her finger tracing the number 5 tattooed on the back of my hand.

"Yeah" I answered hesitantly

"Did you have a drink last night?" She asked softly.

I had no idea how to answer that question, because telling her the truth would bring up a world of emotions, not just from me, but from Ale too. I couldn't lie to her though, not after we had just made such a huge step in our relationship, it would be like taking one step forward and two steps back... I needed to tell her the truth, but before I could open my mouth to answer she was already speaking again.

"It's just that last time we argued you ran back to your apartment and drank, I'm just worried that it might be becoming a habit. I'm not going to be angry if you did, I just want to know what's going on so that I can help you through it" she explained, her voice soft and gentle as she intertwined her fingers with mine.

"Yes I- I did"