the group oneshots ☆ COMPLETED

loser monologue - tanner

i found sign crush motorist last night and im obsessed with their album

go listen to it if you havent, this specific oneshot is based off of the "loser monologue" and i use the lyrics for it too

enjoy ❤️

—

you and tanner had some unresolved tension.

you liked him, and he seemed like he liked you too. he was so touchy and different in private. you two had even shared a kiss one night. it was amazing, you had never felt the way you did that night. his hands on your body, both of you smiling slightly as your lips brushed the others.

its been weeks since then. it was awkward — since you lived under the same roof — and the tension was thick. so thick that you could cut it with a knife. it didnt help that you two were sat less than a foot away on the couch currently, all of the other boys around you two. they were laughing and talking, paying absolutely no attention to the anxious faces that you and tanner had.

his hand was so close to yours. so close that you could reach over and-

"what do you guys think?" nick suddenly snapped you back into reality. "huh?" you questioned, nervous he would call you out for not paying attention.

"would you wanna go to dinner with us tonight?" he stated. you nodded, tanner doing the same. you hopped up from the couch and announced that you were going to get your phone.

"can you get mine from my room too?" the male next to you spoke quietly. your body tensed, but you eagerly nodded and smiled. you had to act normal.

...

you looked around tanner's room, scanning it to find his phone quickly. your eyes landed on a unsealed envelope on his bed, face up. it had a piece of paper peeking out the top. you knew it was wrong, but you walked over and picked it up. there was nothing written on the outside. you carefully took out the piece of not-so-gently ripped notebook paper and unfolded it. something just told you to read it.

—

i stare at your pictures for hours on end
dreaming, fantasizing about holding you
feeling my hands on your bare skin
just being with you
but i know itll never happen
but i cant stop myself from fantasizing
i think about you for hours until i realize
how much time ive spent thinking of a scenario that will never happen

youre so beautiful and funny
and anytime i see your picture or even hear your name
my stomach flips and i get butterflies
every word you say sends goosebumps
all over my body

ive tried for so long not to look at you
to not look at pictures of you
to cut off all contact with you
but i cant stop it
i cant stop how i feel
i dont know if ill ever stop feeling this way
at least not for a long time

when i see you with him it makes me sick
to my stomach
and although that should put me off you
it doesnt
it only makes me want you more
if you knew how i felt
i wouldnt even be writing this shit
i wouldnt be so lonely

youd understand how much you mean to me
you mean so much to me
i wish i could be with you
i just want to feel the warmth of your body
next to mine
to see your smile
i want to play with your hair
see it shine under the sun as it hits you just right
i want to watch the sun sink behind the hills with you
talk
bluff
make up
anything

i just want anything from you

—

you felt tears well up in your eyes. hands trembling, you shoved the paper back into the envelope and threw it back onto the bed.

who was it for? why did he write this? did he like someone else? did he move on? why is this here?

"y/n." tanner's voice rung out behind you shakily. "y/n. did you read that."

you spun around while tears fell from your eyes. you were gonna be in big trouble for even looking at his personal belongings like that. he took long strides to get beside you and snatched the letter up. "get out," he said.

"tanner, i-"

"just leave. you werent supposed to read that."

you winced as he slammed the door shut, hearing a low sob come from the other side. you only had one question on your mind now.

was the letter for me?