Forgive Me Please

Chapter Ten - Morning after

Rain woke up, the sunrise was slowly lightening his room. He became aware of a weight across his waist and legs, pinning him down. He blinked and remembered last night. "Opppps" Rain thought, he turned his head and saw that Phayu was still sleeping. He looked relaxed and happy, Rain tried to move but Phayu tightened his grip, frowned his displeasure and then murmured "no" in his sleep.

Rain stopped moving and wondered what to do. He started to play with Phayu's hands and looked towards this window. He did not regret last night, but he admitted it was not his brightest move. Phayu will always be his biggest weakness, just seeing him there last night, no top and the light behind him - highlighting his whole body. A years worth of lonely nights, of missing his touch, sadness and neediness just came bubbling to the surface. His heart told his head to take a back seat and took control of his decisions, and his decision was to give himself to Phayu, no questions asked. But there were questions that needed to be asked. A lot of them. Rain became aware that he was sticky, I need a shower, he thought. He let out a little sign.

Phayu slowly woke up, he opened his eyes to see that the sun had just risen and Rain was playing with his hands looking out of the window. He looked deep in thought. Feeling Rain's warm body in his arms felt so right, he felt so rested. He smiled as he watched Rain, he did not want this moment to end. They were made to be together, he needed Rain to understand that too. Suddenly Rain signed, this caused Phayu to lift his head off the pillow and lean over Rain.

Rain jumped when he became aware of Phayu leaning over him looking worried, "What's wrong" His voiced sounded panicked, "Nothing is wrong" Rain answered, looking up at Phayu. Phayu was gently touching his face, "Are you sure?" he questioned, Rain really looked at Phayu face and saw the worry and fear was etched into his face. He smiled and said "I am sure"

"but you just signed" Phayu said, he went quite and cast his eyes down, "are you regretting last night?" Rain turned and faced him, cupping his face, "No P'Phayu, I am not regretting last night" Phayu's looked up, "Your not?" his voice sounded so hopeful. "I'm not" confirmed Rain, Phayu smiled and pulled Rain into a hug. Rain let himself be wrapped up in Phayu's arms, he knew this is were he wanted to be, but he was not going let Phayu walk back into his life easily. Things needed to be explained and the relationship - if there was to be one - had to be discussed. Rain started to wiggle in Phayu's arms, "No your are staying right there" Phayu sounded like a disgruntled child, he held on to Rain tighter. "P'Phayu!" protested a voice from his chest "I really need a shower, I am sticky" Phayu laughed and loosened his arms a bit, "If I let go, can I join you in the shower?" he asked.

Rain looked at him and had to fight all his basic desires, "No, P'Phayu, we are not showering together" Phayu pulled back a little at the firm voice, "OK" He agreed. He looked like Rain had kicked him, and Rain could not stand the look. "P'Phayu, I think we need to talk" said Rain.

"P'Phayu, I think we need to talk", with that sentence all of P'Phayu's fears came rushing back. "Please Rain, don't send me away" Phayu jumped up to his knees and grabbed Rain's hand, "I know that I screwed up and you have every reason to hate me and hurt me" Phayu felt like his world was falling apart "Please I will do anything you want, be anything you want, just please don't send me away" Phayu placed his head on Rain's lap. Only Rain could make this proud man beg and not care about looking weak. He started to sob, "Please Rain, I love you" he said over and over again.

Rain's heart broke watching Phayu beg like that. In that moment he remembered a talk he had with Matt, "Rain, have you ever thought that there is a chance that you ex is falling apart too?" he asked "You spoke about how everything has affected you, have you ever stopped to wonder how he is doing?" Rain was quite at that question, "I guess not" he answered truthfully. "Well I think you should, I mean you ran away instead of trying to find out a solution, your actions at the time were based solely on emotion, think logically about it now" That talk was the start of Rain's understanding on his role in the break up and thinking about how this affected Phayu, it was the start of Rain's healing.

Looking a Phayu, Rain realised his is still feeling everything from a year ago. These wounds needed to be healed before they could move forward. He grabbed Phayu in a hug, "Shh!" he said as he rubbed Phayu's back, "Calm down". When it felt that Phayu had gotten hold of his self, Rain pulled back and said, "I think, until we have had a talk and worked things out" he started to explain "All physical "activity's" or anything that can lead to physical "activity's" should be taken off the table". Rain waited until his words sunk in. "Do you think that is a good starting place?" Phayu just looked at Rain, here is the change in Rain, the table has been turned. Rain was the calm one and his was the one who reactive to situations, he looked at wonder at Rain, he nodded his agreement.

Rain smiled at Phayu, "You have a shower first, I will have one after" He grabbed a robe and put it on as he got out of bed. He picked up the bottoms he gave Phayu last night and found an oversize hoodie for Phayu to wear. "Here, take these and have a shower" He gave everything to Phayu and pushed him towards the bathroom. Once the door was closed, he let out a small breath and looked at his bedroom - it was a mess. So he made his bed and then picked up his torn t-shirt, his face went a little red when he thought about how it had happened. He put the other clothes in the wash basket and took the ruined t-shirt into the kitchen so he could throw it away. He prepared coffee for himself and Phayu. Just he was pouring the coffee, Phayu appeared looking better than he did before the shower. Rain gave him his coffee and told him to make himself comfortable. Looking down at his body he knew that he was going to need a long sleeve top and bottoms. After his shower, he joined Phayu in the living room but chose to sit opposite him. "Shall we start?" Rain asked, Phayu nodded in agreement.