𝐒𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 ― 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴

𝟏𝟖.

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XVIII.
Englisch
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Remus (explaining the impact of an incoming meteor to Peter): Imagine this coconut cream pie is the meteor and Prongs is the earth.
Remus: *pies James in the face*

Peter: Mhm..I see. But what if the meteor is more like a banana cream pie?

Remus (grabbing a banana cream pie): Observe.

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Lily (calling Sirius, Remus, Peter, and James over): Come have a drink with us!

Sirius (sniffing the glass Dorcas handed to him): Do you have any whiskey?

Marlene (laughing): Whiskey? What're you, 40? Marlene: The only person I know that likes whiskey is my father.

Sirius: It's the only alcohol I can tolerate. Wine makes me cry and over share my trauma, vodka makes me wild and deranged, beer makes me want to break something, and tequila makes me horny.

Everyone: *stares at him in astonishment*

Sirius: So what do you guys prefer?

Remus (muttering): I think tequila would be great-

James (scowling): He'll have a juice.
James: Preferably apple.

— — — —

James: Do you have a list of things that would make you stop loving me?

Sirius: Of course not, I will always love you Prongs.

James: Phew, okay great, in that case I have something to tell you..

Sirius: Wait actually if you fucked my brother that would be pretty bad. Like I would probably kill you and bury your body where no one would ever be able to find it, but you wouldn't do that anyway so... what did you want to tell me?

James: *sweating and trying to hide his surprise I'm dating your brother cake*
James: Uh- You have, um cute eyebrows?!

Sirius: Thank you so much James, I wasn't really feeling them today, didn't think they were on their a game you know? But that, that has made my day.

Remus: *rethinking all his relationships*
Remus: The fuck?

— — — —

Peter: wow you guys look horrible
Remus (seconds away from passing out): Yeah, we have this rule that we don't go to bed while we're fighting.

Sirius (in a similar state as Remus): We haven't slept in three days.

Remus: Well if someone would admit they're WRONG-

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Sirius:*banging a quill on the table in frustration*

Remus: Stop that! How would you feel if I banged you on the table like that?

Sirius: ...
Sirius: I-I don't know the correctly answer to that question.

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Sirius: Go over there and flirt with him. Just use a cheesy pick up line or something.

Regulus: Alright...
Regulus (walking up to James): I like my men like I like my intrusive thoughts...

James: ...?

Regulus: Fucking me over in the middle of the night.

James: I-
James: Jesus Christ.

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