Until We Meet Again

46. love me

She waits for me to say something, to break the ice in this strange scenario that neither of us expected. I'm still not sure what I can say, but I can try with anything.

"I think part of me is still in love with you, but what am I supposed to do with all of these feelings?" I ask her curiously, like she holds the long awaited answer to this question.

I might be making a huge mistake, in fact, I'm almost certain I am. We'll be together for a few days and then we'll fight again, a never-ending cycle.

And I'm choosing that. I'm choosing her, putting her before anything else like it'll actually pay off for me.

"Love me," she tells me, all calm as she holds my hands and looks into my eyes.

The hints of black mascara are smeared around her eyes and I suspect she might draw blood from how much she's biting her painted red lips. She smells like the cold rain and looks like she may have just gotten out of bed, but she's never looked prettier to me.

"Will you love me too?" I ask her.

She smiles at me, and says, "that's all I've ever wanted to do."

Her honesty is all I've ever wanted, and I think it's all she's going to give me from now on. This will probably lead to a fight in the end, but I can't dare to bring up reality in this moment.

She's so perfect, giving a piece of her heart to me in such a delicate way and I don't ever want to be away from her again.

We've led each other on for this long, I think that I've gotten used to it. I might be too addicted to the thrill of "will she? Yes? No?" even for my own taste. I've spent so much time building this up in my head, what am I supposed to do now that it's actually happening?

Will it be just as good as I envisioned it to be?

At that moment, she leans in to kiss me and the answer I've been searching for so long is finally answered.

It's better.

Everything is real this time, unlike that selfish kiss we had some time ago. I'm living right now.

Heaven was sealed with two lips, but I've finally been let in on her secrets. She isn't shy with her actions, and she doesn't hold back with the pretty little sayings she whispers in my ear. My hands are all over her, and I think that I could do this forever.

She's always been scared to be real with anyone, including me, but right now in this moment, she's more perfect than I ever could have imagined. Always quiet and always poised ever since I met her again all that time ago, but she isn't trying to be that now.

Her voice is full of clear satisfaction, and I've never been so pleased before. I can't get enough because this is all I've ever wanted.

We know that the kiss can't last forever, and that's okay for now because we have forever to be together.

"You don't regret it, right?" Delilah asks me right away, concern clear in her brown eyes.

"No."

Not for now.

I give her a kiss on her soft cheek, and I add, "I could never regret it. Now, do you want to change? The bathroom is down the hallway to the right."

She giggles, questioning half-seriously, "are you calling me smelly?"

"No! But you're still soaking wet! I can bring you some clothes and towel, now go to the bathroom?"

She nods, quickly making her way to my tiny bathroom in this apartment that I can already tell she also likely thinks is tiny. I head over to my own closet, and once I open it, it's just another huge reminder that I have to clean everything up.

I manage to find a t-shirt and sweatpants from my alma mater along with a teal towel at the top of my shelves.

When I find her waiting in the bathroom with a grin on her face, she takes the items from my hands and asks me, "You don't mind if I change in front of you?"

"I- Of course not- I- I mean- I don't know. I'm fine with whatever."

She smirks with the sight of my bashful face, and wordlessly takes off her clothes and exposes her body to me before getting into the shower. I've already seen her body multiple times before, but it's somehow feels different in this context.

We were just using each other, now there's actually something between us. And it's a lot for me, going from 0 to 100. We've done it before, get it never fails to throw me off.

I make my way out of the bathroom, and land onto my couch, scrolling through meaningless TikTok videos as I wait for her to be ready.

I don't even know what happens after this. There aren't really guidelines on what to do after finally admitting you still love your ex-girlfriend after four years.

Am I supposed to invite her to stay the night? Do I just awkwardly wait for her to leave? Well, even if I wanted to, I can't exactly do that as it's still threateningly cold outside and the rain simply won't stop.

I check my phone, and realize that it's not projected to pause at all. Well, there's my answer as to what I should do next. After twenty minutes, Delilah finally comes over to me, the towel still wrapped around her hair and makeup empty from her face. 

She's never looked cuter before in my clothes, and I hold her face as I lean in for a quick kiss again. She embraces me as she falls onto me, and the kiss continues for a few more seconds. 

I pull away to simply ask her, "will you spend the night with me?"

"Of course." She doesn't hesitate at all with her response.

She turns down to my neck, and starts slowly laying kisses down it as she holds my hands against the grey cushions of the couch. Her attempts to go down further fail as the larger towel on her head falls over onto my face, reminding her that it's still there.

I laugh as I hold it for her, and she groans, telling me, "I'll be back."

She rushes back into the bathroom, and I take the moment to scroll through more short videos on that silly app. I make it through far too many before she finally comes back with the towel gone and her wet hair brushed neatly.

When she notices that I'm on my phone, she frowns, "would you rather be on your phone than be with me right now?"

"Of course not."

She smiles this time, and comes back to lay above me as she starts kissing me again. There's nothing sweeter than that, and I don't ever want it to end.