Until We Meet Again

1. until we meet again

Life is complicated.

I have realized that we all come up with magnificent tales in our minds, not realizing that someday we'll be forced to step out of our self-made homes.

We yearn for safety and stability. Something permanent.

I had longed for Delilah to always be by my side but like everything else, she escaped into the smoke and left me behind to deal with the fire.

It's been 4 years since her strange disappearance when she moved away, but I never go a day without wondering where she may be now. I recall missing her at school after her absence, and then arriving home and finding her comforting home to be boarded up and put up for sale.

It was all so sudden, and I remember asking everyone around me about what happened to her.

Everyone remained silent.

I always have felt that my parents, know more than what they're letting out, but I'm not in a position to make any extreme claims.

I think back to the first week without her and the crimes I committed in order to get a hint of peace.

I recall the time I had snuck into her house and found it to be completely empty of any former signs of life and of Delilah. Delilah had always been a bubbly spirit, but my search in her house was useless, especially considering the fact that I had never actually been inside her house. She was always defensive when it came to that, and most of our time was spent at my home.

I remind myself of that memory where I would frantically share my worries about Delilah's sudden disappearance online and I hoped that somehow, Delilah would message me back. When I had realized that I didn't want my tear-stained words to be available for any stranger to ridicule, I quickly deleted them out of shame and embarrassment.

I remember the moment when I thought that posting her on every missing person forum would be wise as if she was actually missing and hadn't just moved away like normal people do. When my parents found out after receiving calls from the local sheriff about it, I was promptly grounded and made out to be a fool. Still, no answers were available that could appeal to me.

Nothing helped. I didn't want to accept that she didn't want to be found by me. She chose it to be that way. She didn't tell me that her and her family were leaving.

I tried to find better ways to cope with her disappearance, but what was a 14 year old supposed to do?

Delilah was all I wanted.

She was a diamond in the rough, and always managed to shine a light on me in my sick days. We were best friends since we were 8 years old, and we had always stuck by each other. Back in our hide-and-seek days, we were a bunch of misfits who then grew up into troubled teenagers with too many responsibilities.

Our bond grew and something changed along the way, but I never did anything to act on the feelings that I always assumed she shared. Our caring words and longing stares would have been enough for me. Why would we have ruined our perfect little friendship by stepping into uncharted territory and pursing a vain relationship?

For 14 year old me, all was well.

Until it wasn't.

Until I walked home one day and found that my best's friend house across town was abandoned as if no one had ever lived there.

Until I found out that she was never missing, but she just chose to leave town without a word.

Until I realized she was gone.

Suddenly, I had lost everything.

Not a single goodbye. Not even a "until we meet again" so that we could pretend that we would stay in touch.

All I have been waiting for ever since that day is a chance to see Delilah again and tell her that she's all I want.

That was my plan.

That was always going to be my plan.

Until, 4 years later, when we finally met again, and I realized that my plan would quickly be thrown into the trash.