Needing her.

Chapter 5.

I was already through a quarter of the bottle by 10:15pm. The burning sensation is the thing that makes me feel alive. I feel a bit tipsy.

Most people get extremely happy and enthusiastic while being tipsy. I don't. I always feel numb. I feel like my family line should end with me. It should though.

I am sitting on the bench in the park. The light from the lamp posts on the side of the road shine on the grass. A cloud of warm mist hangs above the earth. I feel it on my skin. I have been sitting here for half an hour.

I take a few gulps out of the bottle. My stomach protests against the rum. I only ate a banana before I left. So it feels like my stomach is going to explode.

I feel alone. I don't want this anymore. I should try again. But this time succeeding.

A small group of teenagers are walking by. They are laughing and talking. Oh, to be happy.

A man with a dog walks by. The dog barks and the man throws a ball. The dog runs to get the ball. Oh, to be free. The ball is returned.

By seeing that I take one big gulp. I stand up and stumble. I walk to the nearest bus stop. The last bus will arrive in 7 minutes. I light a cigarette. My body feels wobbly.

7 minutes later the bus arrives. The bus is heading to the city. I check in. I plop down on a chair. I put on my headset and listen to my music.

Last Hope by Paramore is on.

I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy but now
The more I try to push it I realize gonna let go of control

Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen,
Gonna let it happen, just let it happen

It's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going
And when it's dark out and no one's around it keeps glowing

Every night I try my best to dream tomorrow makes it better
And wake up to the cold reality and not a thing is changed
But it would be happen, gonna let it happen
Gonna let it happen, gonna let it happen

After 20 minutes I decide to get out of the bus. When I exit I am standing in the middle of a street with a couple shops.

I stumble to the corner of the street and flop into a niche in the wall. I grab my bottle again and take a gulp. I'm very tipsy now.

I take my hoodie out of my bag and put it on. I pull the hood over my head. I put the bottle beside me.

I pull my legs against me. My head rests on my knees. The worlds is spinning. I am very dizzy. But at least the pain I feel is gone.

'Are you okay?' A deep voice says. 'Y- es I'm fine.' I talk a bit with double tongue.

'I don't think you are,' The voice says again. 'can I sit with you?'

'Suit,' A hiccup leaves my body. 'yourself.'

The person slides down the wall and lands next to me. Shoulder to shoulder. I haven't lift up my head. 'What happened?' The voice speaks again.

'Live happened.' My voice is more annoyed than I meant to be.

'I'm so so sorry.' Her voice is compassionate. I lift my head up and I look into two watery blue eyes. Fuck. What is she doing here?

'Professor.'

'Callie.' Her voice sounds like a summer breeze.