𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨 || 𝙟𝙤𝙖𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙭

𝗳 𝗶 𝗳 𝘁 𝗲 𝗲 𝗻

GUILT
"he's not perfect but he's all i want"

~joão~

the storm had basically stopped by now and i can't explain the weird churning feeling in my stomach. i'm scared to face magui, but i'm also scared to leave lyla.

these last two days have definitely been unforgettable and i'm not sure i want to return to the real world after them.

she told me i could crash here again tonight but her roommates are coming back tomorrow night so she needs to clean everything up before they get home.

her dad woke up today after spending a whopping seven hours on the ground. me and lyla helped him onto the couch while he mumbled a bunch of random shit and then he crashed again and hasn't been up since then.

i'm still curious about him and why he's here but if lyla isn't comfortable telling me then i guess i'll just wait till she is. i'm also hesitant to leave her with the man.

i've never seen him before and micah has never mentioned him so for all i know he could be dangerous or abusive. lyla assured me he isn't and she would call me if she needed me but i'm still not sure if i wanna leave her with him.

i'm also not sure what to do about the kiss. me and lyla haven't talked about it yet and quite frankly, i don't wanna. i initiated it and it definitely wasn't her fault in any way, but she still kissed back.

when she pulled away at first, i think she pulled on my heart strings a little too, but when her soft lips connected with mine the second time, i felt a little explosion inside of me and i kinda wanted to jump up and down in happiness.

i don't know why i kissed her, but it just kind of felt right. i don't regret it, i only regret the way i'm gonna have to hurt another girl because i actually enjoyed it.

i'm also not sure how i've been able to control myself these last few days. every time i see her, i just wanna put my hands all over her and explore her with my mouth.

being almost completely alone in a small space with lyla, is making me go actually insane. the fact that i have made it this long without jumping her fucking bones, says how i may actually have a little bit of self control.

i'm currently sitting on the chair in the living room, scrolling through insta, because lylas fathers drunk ass is taking up the whole couch.

whenever magui comments on my posts about how i don't like lyla and i'm the only one for her, it makes me angry. i don't understand how she can be so overprotective of me one moment and then fucking another guy the next.

at this point, i'm not even sure if magui likes me. i wouldn't be surprised if she was only using me to boost her reputation.

lylas dads breathing is erratic and if i didn't think it already, i would presume he was dying. lyla doesn't seem to give it much thought, like this is a normal occurrence.

it makes me wonder about how her and micah grew up. maybe her father has always been this way, or maybe lyla doesn't have a good relationship with him. but whatever it is, it makes me think she doesn't care for him to be here.

i hear the bottom of her slippers slide down the hallway and i check over my shoulder to see her standing in the doorway. i'm looking at her, but she's looking at her dad.