𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨 || 𝙟𝙤𝙖𝙤 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙭

𝘁 𝗵 𝗶 𝗿 𝘁 𝘆 𝗲 𝗶 𝗴 𝗵 𝘁

ADVANTAGE
"i like it when you smile, but i love it when i'm the reason"

~joão~

i fucked up.

like seriously everything.

i was on the verge of being blackout drunk. she took advantage of me at the club when i could barely see straight or process anything, but i still gave in.

i didn't even know she was there. i just went because i needed to get my mind off lyla. she said she needed time, and i was willing to give her as much time as she needed. but i was still hurting.

i wanted to get drunk, so my thoughts of lyla would hopefully disappear. i can't live without her, and waiting for to decide if she wants a relationship with me or not is killing me.

so when i took more than enough shots and someone offered to take me home, i couldn't decline. but for some reason when they dropped me off and started to nonstop apologize for something i wasn't paying attention too, i didn't kick them out like i should have.

i couldn't process anything they were saying and my mind was too clogged from alcohol. i could barely stand on my own, and when the stranger placed their lips on mine, i decided i needed a distraction.

at first i pushed them off and told them i didn't want this, but when they came back for another peck, they pushed me into my bedroom. i didn't push them away again, whether it was because i was to weak or because i was too drunk to process what was happening, i didn't care.

only the next morning i woke up with a blonde girl in my bed. i almost puked and when they turned to look at me and it was magui, i sprinted to my bathroom and locked the door.

she banged on the door asking to come in, but i sat on the floor crying silent tears. i couldn't believe what i had done. i was so ashamed and angry at myself. how could i hurt the girl i love even more, she's already dealing with so much.

i turned on the shower and jumped in to wash myself, i felt dirty. i felt disgusting and filthy.

i washed my skin until it burnt in rashes. i can't believe i had let the blonde girl touch me in places i never wanted her too, i only ever wanted lylas hands on me.

magui took advantage of me when i was at my lowest, and for that i will never forgive her. but lyla, she would never forgive me, no matter if magui took advantage or not, i still gave in, no matter how drunk i was.

i got out of the shower when magui yelled that someone was at the door. i didn't want whoever it was to be greeted by magui and think the worst, i never want to be seen with her.

i quickly wrap a towel around my waist lazily and follow her down the stairs, dripping with water. "who is it?"

when i look up and am met with lylas surprised and heartbroken face, my heart breaks into a million pieces. she fiddles with her fingers as she looks between the two of us in curiosity and then looks towards the ground.

the wild rain is pouring down on her hard, but even with that she still looks beautiful. she dark hair is pulled behind a hood but it still looks good. she dark circles under her eyes tell me that she probably hasn't slept in a while, and it makes me feel impossibly worse.

i open my mouth the tell her that i can explain but she shakes her head and tries to smile. "sorry, i'll come back later." she whispers and turns to walk away.

my heart drops to my feet watching her walk away. i shove magui out of the way to follow lyla and she gasps then slams the door. i run after lyla and she quickly walks to her car.