South Park Oneshots

Why Hell?

Pip had known his whole life that people didn't like him very much, kids would spit on him and make fun of him, the adults seemed to think he was a troubled kid, even Mr.Mackey, the school counselor was sick of him. He thought that his parents must've loved him, but thinking back, they probably never did.

The only person that had ever shown any signs of trying to know Pip, was Damien. Damien was a student that came to South Park, who also ended up being the son of satan. He was only there for a day or two, but he had actually talked to Pip as his friend. Sure, in the end, Damien did try to kill him, but what more would Pip expect? Everyone had been mean to him from the start, why would Damien be any different?

Pip had been a nice boy his whole life, he helped people out and allowed people to do whatever they wanted to do with him. He helped old ladies cross the street, he helped out stray cats, he helped his parents out, he never said any swear words, he had good grades, and he even let Cartman and Craigs make fun of him. Nobody ever rewarded him for his good behavior, but Pip never said anything about it.

So why is it, that now, when he has died, he has to go to hell. Was his whole life worth nothing? All that time spent, leading up to the end of his life, none of that mattered to god? Nothing he did ever mattered, because he still had to go to hell either ways.

When Pip arrived in hell he did expect it to be scarier, but he wasn't complaining. Pip was also surprised to see just how many people were in hell, apparently the right religion were the Mormons, so only the Mormons could get into heaven.

While Satan was giving his 'speech' he noticed Pip in the corner of his eye. After the speech, Satan chased after Pip.

"Weren't you one of those kids from the small town that I fought Jesus in? South Park?" Satan said, slowly catching his breath.

"Oh yes, what a pleasure to see you here too Mr.Satan." Pip answered.

"Oh well, I just wanted to thank you, my son Damien did very well around the town once he humiliated you. You toughened him up for me, you taught him how to be mean." Satan said, in a complementary tone.

Clearly Pip didn't take it as a compliment, because he just stood there in silence.

"Well golly, I don't think that's such a good thing Mr. Satan." Pip responded.

"YOU DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILDREN!" Satan cleared his throat, "Anyways, Pip, I think Damien might be feeling a bit lonely, there isn't much other kids that die as young as you. Do you want to follow me?" Satan said.

"I don't think that's a good idea Mr. Satan."

"That wasn't a question."

"Oh, well if I must."

Satan walked across hell to a old, abandoned, Motel 6.

"Is this where you live?" Pip asked Satan.

"Oh geez no, I wouldn't live in this landfill, my son is the only one that lives here." Satan answered.

"And why is that?" Pip said.

"Because, he is my child and I have the right to do what I want with him, also you're living here too, you've gotta teach him how to be more cruel." Satan responded.

"Golly, I'm better at showing people how to do good." Pip nervously said as Satan walked away.

Pip went to the office of the Motel 6, Satan said it was fully abounded, but you had to get the keys from the front office.

"Room 16...room 16...where are the keys to room 16?" Pip asked to no one.

"Are you looking for these..?" Said a dark shadow in the corner, which was revealed to be Damien. He had the keys to his room intertwined into his fingers, which he spined slowly.

Pip started in shock, but then quickly dove in for a hug, which surprised Damien and made him back away.

"Oh Damien, I thought I'd never see you again, I was so worried." Pip said, still happily in Damien's arms.

"Jesus man, I was the one who almost killed you." Damien said, shyly looking away from the shorter blond who was still in his arms.

"Good thing it was a Mecha-Streisand stepping on me instead of you being the cause of my death." Pip said, as he slowly let go of Damien's arms.

"Wait, you don't...hate me? Fear me? Think I'm a weirdo?" Damien asked, covering his eyes.

"Nope! It's all good, everyone makes mistakes!" Pip answerd.

Damien let out a sigh of relief.

"Damien, I do have a question though." Pip said.

"Go ahead, ask me."

"Why are you living away from your dad?"

"Oh, it's just- uh- well," Damien struggled to find the right words.

"Did you get in trouble? My parents used to give me harsh punishments for doing small things, but I might have deserved most of them." Pip said, trying to help.

"Pip, you don't deserve anything that has happened to you." Damien said, looking directly at Pips eyes.

"You changed a lot in these months, what happened?" Pip asked, tilting his head.

"Oh well, I- y-you kind of inspired me to become a better person..." Damien said, looking away from Pip to hide his cherry cheeks.

"Oh I did? At least I did one good thing in my life." Pip answered.

Damien just started at Pip, wondering where his optimism he had before had gone away so quickly. Damien went ahead to hold Pips hands, but quickly decided against it.

"Pip, you were an amazing person during your life, you helped everyone, but everyone was too selfish and insecure to see how amazing you were. Just know, that while your here I will try to make you the happiest boy alive." Damien assured.

Pip was trying to hold back his tears, which made his eyes look shiny and pearly. Pip had wanted to hear those words so bad, he felt like he could take on the world.

Pip dove in for another hug. Damien reciprocated his hug, letting Pips cheeks rest on his shoulder, getting his shirt wet from the tears, but Damien didn't mind.

"Thank you Damien, Thanks you so much." Pip whispered into Damien's ears.

The door suddenly burst open, "Hey Pip did you alrea- oh." Satan said as he burst into the room.

"Oh hey dad..!" Damien nervously said, as he quickly untangled his arms from Pips embrace.

"Damien, you never told me Pip was your boyfriend, I could've sent death to kill him quicker!" Satan said.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Damien yelled, cheeks flushed.

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There will be a part 2 of this Oneshot, that will be when they're older!

Words: 1156

Thanks for reading ❤️