I'm yours if you're mine | Mattheo Riddle x Reader

35

A/n: listen to the music for a better experience!⬆️

⚠️TW⚠️: Mention of death and suicide.

Everything I looked at reminded me of Mattheo, everywhere I went I was reminded by him, all the fucking time.

The dreams didn't stop, I was overwhelmed, tired, I needed everything to stop.

"Bella, you ready?" Draco asked knocking on the bathroom door "Five more minutes!" I yelled, I hadn't even gotten started. I was to tired to do anything, I just couldn't function. I eventually changed into my Slytherin robe, fixed my hair and went out with Draco by my side.

"You look great" Draco said "Don't lie, I'm not even trying to look good" I said, rolling my eyes "That's why you look so good" Draco said, smirking.

"Whatever Malfoy" I said, smiling. I hadn't smiled for what felt like years. As we walked to our classes i accidentally bumped into Adrien Pucey "Watch it you- oh well if it isn't Parkinson" Adrien said smirking vigorously.

"What do you want Pucey?" I asked, uninterested "Your attitude of yours hasn't changed has it?" He taunted "Yeah, problem?" I said, unbothered.

He rolled his eyes "Not so tough now are we? Where's your pathetic little boyfriend Parkinson?" My breath hitched "Shouldn't he be here to protect you?" Draco was now standing next to me, closely and watching him intensely "Watch your mouth Pucey." Draco said aggressively, as he stepped closer to him "What? It's not my fault he's lying dead in his grave!" He exclaimed, I felt a lump in my throat instantly, tears forming in my eyes "What the fuck man?!" Draco yelled pushing him back "So what you're her new little protecter now that he's gone?!"

He looked at me, evilness filling his eyes "Oh darling... you didn't know?" He said, taunting me, laughing in my face, making me feel so small, worthless and defeated. Although I couldn't feel anything.. I was dead inside.

"H-he's.." Is all I could say "Dead. Yeah that's right, get fucking over it Parkinson!" Adrien finished my sentence for me, no shame in his body what so ever.

Draco immediately pushed him to the ground, punching him with his fist, making Adrien's nose bleed and eventually knocking him out.

He looked at me, almost terrified about how I was reacting, ironically, I wasn't reacting at all, as if I was dead. "He's... dead" I managed to whisper "Bella-"

"No.." I said "No, no, no, no, no" I cried "No!" I exclaimed as I felt my knees get weak in which made me fall to the ground, helplessly, crying my eyes out "he can't be! No you- you said he would come back!" Tears were streaming down from my eyes, people were starring and Draco was helpless, I felt helpless.

It wasn't worth living anymore, now that Mattheo isn't alive..

"B-Bella- please.." Draco begged, whilst also crying.

"No!" I cried out, I couldn't believe it, pain was all I could feel, an crucifying pain, I can't describe it. It's a pain that'll never go away.

The grief won't go away, it'll stay.. forever.

It's like.. the moment I was told he had died, everything good inside me disappeared.. "I'm so sorry.." He said pulling me into his embrace letting my cry into his chest "No!" I cried

"Please no.." I cried out, what was the point of living when the only thing I love is gone?

—

It's like everything good inside me shut of. It's gone.. almost as if it never existed.
The pain won't leave... I can't make it stop, I want it to stop!

It hurt..the way my heart dropped into my stomach when I found out about him.. my sadness had started to consume me in a matter of seconds.. he was dead.. and I wasn't able to say goodbye.. not even I love you.

The guilt and pain was overwhelming. It's getting worse than before. I cannot live like this.

I locked myself up in the dormitory, looking at photos of me and Mattheo whilst balling my eyes out. Is if my cries would make him come back.

I didn't see a purpose to live anymore, how could I?

I could feel my broken heart beating quickly, I could barely breathe, I couldn't function. I felt myself going into a panic attack, my hands started to shake and I could hear my cries echoing in the room, I couldn't focus, I was scared that I couldn't breathe, it felt like my lungs had complete my given up on me. Almost as if my whole body stopped functioning without him.

It didn't stop, I was hyperventilating. I heard voices in the distance and I attempted to calm myself down whilst I listened to them.. thankfully it worked, although it didn't stop the pain in my chest.

I didn't want to live like this for the rest of my life, I needed Mattheo, I need to see him. I can't live nor function without him.

Draco deserved a goodbye and an explanation as to why I wouldn't be in this world anymore, surely he'll understand, I wrote the note with shaky hands as I felt my eyes burning. My face was numb.. I couldn't feel anything anymore.

I went to Draco's dormitory and put it on his nightstand.. the clock was almost 12 am.. and I immediately went out of the common room without any contact with anyone. The rain was pouring as I made my way to the astronomy tower. Me and Mattheo always used to go here.. my breathing became heavier as I went up the stairs.

I had watched our headmaster die here.. and I was going to die here too.. I needed the pain to stop.

I was standing on the top of the astronomy tower, contemplating if I should do it or not. I had become all wet because of the rain, I was shivering intensely.. I wrapped my arms around my stomach, feeling nothing.

Shortly I would meet my soulmate and we could live happily ever after.. without any problems.. just us two, living peacefully like we always wanted.

I looked down at the very bottom, I didn't feel any form of regret, what is there to regret?

I closed my eyes and the memories started to flood back. I took a deep breath stepped forward and loosened my grip of the tower, feeling the air hitting my face, my body falling... I couldn't feel any regret as a matter of fact.. I couldn't feel anything.