Status: Open
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Looking for a place to get a personal review for your story? Well, step in.
A workshop initiative by @TheSavantGirls since 2020
cover credits: @devianmisfit
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Warning labels: The book was deleted once by someone who has beef again...
A dark academia retelling of the Beauty and the Beast.
Lucy is a human in a family of powerful sorcerers. Growing up sheltered, Lucy's life takes a turn for the worse when her sister falls victim to a deadly spell.
Hell bent on saving her sister, Lucy marries into a dangerous family of sorcerers, only to find out things are not what they seem. Death magic is being used for the first time in history, ancient gods whose names are long forgotten are awakening. Her fiancé may be deadlier than she'd thought and she's caught the attention of a death deity who wants her to himself for reasons she can't yet understand.
In a game of madness and death, Lucy's best shot at survival is to embrace her cunning and her cruelty, traits she never thought she might possess as she transforms from a wallflower to a deadly spy, capable of breaking the will of the Gods.
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Title & Cover The title of the story is something of an odd one but it does fit with how the story was made and it also makes you wonder what it is about. The cover was very well named and the artwork really causes you to wonder just who that character is. She was made to look very eye-catching, which is a very good thing when it comes to a cover for a book.
Blurb The blurb was very written out, it got the point of the story across while pulling you in. Makes you wonder just how far she would really go to save her sister, it also makes you wonder how truly she felt for her sister. So overall it was a very good blurb and there isn't much that I can add to that in terms of advice.
First Chapter The first chapter was paced out very well, it showed just the right amount of what she was feeling and thinking at the moment. It slowly started to pull you into the story, along with the new twist on death magic. This version was a very nice read over the same old way most write it, it also added much twisted needed for your plot.
The rest of the chapters. As for the rest of the chapters, that all really linked together very well. The story kept the tone of the plot tightly together, always reminding the main character just how deadly the world was. That was getting way more than she could handle yet still she wanted to do what she felt that she had to in order to save her sister. Even though she had known that she was only a human, she still pushed on and took the risks to save her sister's life. For example from the way she refused to touch a gun, to willingly learning how to shoot in order to keep herself alive.
Grammar and Spelling Both of these have been written very well, it was easy to read and at the same time very easy to follow along. You have used many different kinds of words to mean the same thing, which avoids the mistake that others make with the same word over and over again, which is a very good touch to the overall book by using these different words.
Plot The very idea of the plot is something new and has its only twists and turns, the new take on death magic was something nice to see. Along with the hellhound was a large turning point, how everyone reacted showed much focus and skill. My one thing I could say about the current plot is to keep the pace of how you have magic explained and shown. Magic can be easily used but at the same time can ruin any good story, so keep your new twist on death magic so you can avoid what others make the mistakes while writing magic.
Writing Flow The writing flow was very well done, it kept me reading more with each story along with the fact that there didn't seem to be any blocking points of the book. By blocking I mean, areas of the story telling that makes you stop reading due to being confused or simply being lost.
Right now you have a good pace of the flow as well, not too fast nor too slow. Your current writing flow lets the writers enjoy the story without having to feel like they are being rushed nor are you dragging the story out.
Character Development I can tell and I can bet any reader out there can tell that you put a very large amount of work and time into each and every character. This alone was showing very clearly with each chapter tha you make and how much they change and grow with every single one of these chapters. From the main character to the father, you have shown much detail from their personal to how they treat each other.
Overall I have to say overall this is one solid book and with the theme how it is, that it could become something far better if you can keep the pacing the way you currently are. With your twists on death magic and how everyone is shrugging in their own ways, showing the readers just how much it affects everyone. I hope you keep bringing these to the story as you keep writing more chapters for it. With things like magic and hellhound you can make very good twists down the line, so keep your mind open for new ideas.
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