Reverie Reviews

review #22.S3: Reveal

Title: Reveal

Author: VampireQueen1006
Reviewer: MoniTheTigerEmpress

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SYNOPSIS

[The Vampire Queen Series Book 1]

What will you do if you wake up and see your reflection coming out of your mirror?

Laurel Johnson was a normal girl. It would seem she has everything an average person would want: A loving family, a best friend, cheerleader in school and good in studies.

The sudden arrival of a stranger changes her life. Her destiny is revealed, where she is destined to rule a realm, a new world of fantasy. She now has magical powers, magical weapons and frightening enemies and two deaths to avenge. She discovers somewhere she belonged to, something that actually belonged to her, exciting new abilities, new friends, lost families and last but not least evil enemies.

She learns a lot, experiences a lot, gains a lot and loses a lot too.

Read Reveal to know who the stranger was and follow Laurel's journey as she discovers herself.

Welcome to The Vampire Kingdom.

Happy Reading, Dear Readers.

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Title:

I think your title is simple and does its job.

Cover:

I think your cover is quite beautiful. I do love the font and how clear the text is. I love the red on the cover too.

Blurb:

I think your blurb is fine. It tells us who the book is about and the conflict in a way. I think it would entice a potential reader to read the book.

Plot/flow/pace:

There is currently a lot I want to address with this review so I am going to try and talk about everything. So firstly I think the plot of the book was fine. I can see where you wanted to go with this. I felt like in places things were moving too fast and in places the pace was very very slow. There were also times I felt like you described too little or over showed with details that were not necessary especially to the plot but that will be explained later in the review. On one hand people will appreciate you having short but sweet chapters but on the other hand you need more details in a majority of the chapters/scenes which I will touch up on later.

Grammar and dialogue:

For a majority of the time you had correct grammar but there were times especially with dialogue that could use improvements.

To begin, I would like to explain the different between dialogue tags and action tags as I noticed a few times you used the wrong punctuation at the end/start of your dialogues when one or the other was present. So one example I will use is from your second chapter where you have the following: "I may not be able to kill you but can certainly injure you." I said showing her my knife.

Now 'I said' is a dialogue tag so the full stop after 'injure you' must be a comma not a full stop.

To help you understand better, I will explain them! A dialogue tag is the way a character is speaking (said, yelled, whispered, screamed, etc). When these are present after dialogue is spoken, dialogue must include a comma. When this is present before the dialogue, the comma must be after the said/yelled/whispered/etc.