Status: Open
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Looking for a place to get a personal review for your story? Well, step in.
A workshop initiative by @TheSavantGirls since 2020
cover credits: @devianmisfit
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Warning labels: The book was deleted once by someone who has beef again...
Main Storyline: "O'Lady Liberty divine! For thee alone, my life I'd resign: I beseech all to carve thy name so fair, On my tombstone, for all to stare."
"This is a love poem for me?" Edith couldn't help muttering resignedly.
But what else could she do? Her lover was a stoic little leader!
Every time she complained that he was always working tirelessly, Andre would smile and whisper in her ear, "Have you not heard? 'A revolutionary only finds rest in his grave'."
It seemed like an ominous omen when he ultimately had neither a grave nor a tombstone.
The only thing her little leader left her was a small notebook with a red cover. The front page was inscribed with neatly written words: Love, Compassion, Liberty.
The final pages remained blank, but at the very end was a small line of pencil writing, already smudged and faded. Each letter was bold and alive, revealing the profound happiness and fervor of the writer: "Liberty is the right to love and to be loved."
Subplot: The Growth Story of a Peerless Beauty
Little Fiona always thought that she lived in a world entirely separated from those wealthy girls, until this barefooted waif became a little Marchioness overnight.
She had two fathers, one grand and handsome like a god, the other short and frail like a reed. They believed in completely different philosophies - the latter left her mired in poverty and shame, while the former pulled her into a heaven full of dignity and glory.
Fiona chose one and abandoned the other. She felt she lacked nothing: beauty, wealth, honour, and love. Until she met that angel in the scarlet dress again.
A century later, the old soldier who ended Fiona's life recalled her in his memoir: "I felt that old lady was a blaze of fire. I aimed at her, shotted, and she fell. But bullets could never snuff out flames."
What romantic entanglements will fate weave for these noble souls?
How will this story lead to a special happy ending?
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Title: I think your title is fine. It's simple and does the job
Cover: Your cover is also fine. I noticed that the author's name is missing from the cover so you might want to add that in.
Blurb: I can see where you wanted to go with your blurb but I honestly think your blurb can be so much better as it currently doesn't tell me anything about your work. It just kind of confuses me a little.
I honestly don't think you need the 'main storyline' and the 'subplot' section. In my opinion, the exerts in the main storyline don't do anything in order to tell me about your book so it could be removed. I would suggest rewriting your blurb to tell us who the book is about, the conflict, etc.
Overall: I'm going to keep this review quite short as there wasn't much that I saw that needed improvement and I felt your work was very good as it was. I think you had a really great start. I would have wished for more descriptions, especially in the first chapter (Like what the room looks like, etc). There were also a few small grammar type mistakes that I noted as well. The main one was in regard to action tags.
When an action tag is present (what the character is doing) the dialogue must have/end in a full stop. Please refer to examples from your first chapter below!
What you have: The old woman smiles calmly, "Tonight, I am–" My suggestion: Since 'smiles' is an action tag here, the comma after 'calmly' needs to be a full stop.
What you have: "I don't want that either," the youth lifts his– My suggestion: There needs to be a full stop after 'either' as 'lifts' is an action tag here.
What you have: "I once loved you sincerely," she looks up at My suggestion: There needs to be a full stop after 'sincerely' instead of a comma since 'looks up' is the action tag here too.
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