Status: Open
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Looking for a place to get a personal review for your story? Well, step in.
A workshop initiative by @TheSavantGirls since 2020
cover credits: @devianmisfit
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Warning labels: The book was deleted once by someone who has beef again...
For twenty-nine years, all Wilder ever knew was how to take orders.
Wilder had always felt a close connection to the stars, but when he discovers that he is one, the foundation he had set his life upon shatters.
Along the way, he makes mistakes and meets an old man and a rowdy princess who help him in his journey of self-discovery.
Now knowing that there's more to life than he thought, he sets out to find out exactly what that is.
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Title:
I think your title is great!
Cover:
I absolutely love your cover. I love the colours, the text and how visible it is to read the text on the cover as well.
Blurb:
I think your blurb is fine. It does it's job and tells us who the book will be about and what it will be about. It's simple and effective.
Overall:
Okay, so I genuinely believe you have a good base. You had asked me to focus on plot/pace and character so I hope I can do you justice here. In my honest opinion I felt like the pacing was rushed. I felt like we needed more details and stuff to get more of a feel of the scenes.
Something I wanted to talk about was the first chapter where you have 'Wilder - Ten years ago'. When reading this I assumed Wilders point of view/headspace was going to be present in this chapter but upon reading the chapter I noticed this was not in Wilder's view but in Cale's view. I honestly think if you aren't going to have Wilder's view in the chapter, just change the point of view on the top of the chapter to Cale since it is obviously in her view and not Wilder. When Wilder is present in the chapter we have no idea where he is thinking, or anything. Is Cale a one time thing or will we see more of her in the future of the books? Is Cale important to the plot?
The transitioned seemed rushed or glossed over. One example is in the first chapter when this Cale person leaves their house and suddenly reaches the park within 0.001 seconds of leaving their place. I felt the transitions can be made smoother so it doesn't seem like your characters magically teleport from one place to another.
There was also a few small grammar mistakes I found throughout. Refer to examples like the below: "What do you mean? Everything's fine.'' he said, letting out a pained laugh.
Now I would suggest a comma after 'fine' since said it a dialogue tag.
All in all, you have a very promising story and I believe a lot of people will love your book.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to review your book and good luck on your future writing endeavours!
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