I always wondered why people avoid certain conversations or the fact that everyday someone is away from their family without their approval. I realized that it was because they're afraid of the truth. They're afraid of what they'll feel or how things will turn out. I finally got the reason. I might have went through some things, but I am trying to change. I wasn't always like this. So patient, calm, and insightful I mean. In fact I wasn't like this at all. So here's what happened:
I was eight years old when I caught my dad cheating on my mom. I came home early and heard some noises. I thought my parents were in there so I sneaked a peek and my dad caught me. He was kissing another lady. He told me not to tell my mom, but I was a mamma's girl, so I told her everything. Next thing I know they get a divorce. My mom moved with me to California while my dad stayed in North Carolina. I got a call now and then from my dad. I realized that my parents were never getting back together. That broke my heart. I thought it was my fault for years. Everyone's dads' came in for Father's Day and Career Day. My dad couldn't even send me a birthday present for my birthdays. My mom always told me to be grateful because some children didn't even get presents.
I was never one to hang with friends. I didn't need them. I played by myself. I came up with games and did my own thing. By the time I was twelve years old, my dad fought for custody of me. It came out of nowhere. It was a hard battle, but he won. I moved in with my dad and became independent. It went well for a few months when elderly ladies visited to see how I was doing. After they left, things were a little twisted. My dad got married to a lady named Jena. She had a son who was a year older than me. I wasn't even at the wedding. When stepparents enter the relationship they have to be a friend first, but noooo. This freak took control of everything. Every small thing I did I ended up getting grounded for. Once they realized grounding wasn't enough they gave me books to read. All that reading helped. I ended up becoming the best reader in the class. The punishments turned into arguments. Arguments with Jena were fine, but when she brought my dad in, they usually ended up with a slap. My dad wouldn't let me have any contact with my mom, so I couldn't tell her any if this. I tried calling the cops, but they just sent me back.
After I turned fourteen, I was allowed to choose where I got to live, but my dad escaped with us to Louisiana. I cried and cried every night until I either couldn't or they told me to shut up. I went to school and met nice girls who I thought I could trust, but they back stabbed me. I felt weak. Eventually, I asked if I could live with my mom. They told me she didn't love me and she wasn't in my best interest. After slaps and yelling he would say little things like, " Stop playing games"or " You're an immature little brat" or "You'll never be anything." The older I got the worse it was. When I was fifteen turning sixteen I got full on beatings. Slaps, if I was lucky. I got punches on my body. They would rarely touch my neck or face because they knew suspicion would grow. My dad would bury his hand into my lungs or side. It was like I was his punching bag. Jena would always laugh in the back. Jena's son, Harris wouldn't even help. He would act like nothing ever goes on in the house. One day it got out of control. When summer came, my dad sent Harris and Jena on a vacation for the whole summer. Two days after they left, my dad called me in his room. ***Flashback***
"He asked me to go to the store and get him a beer. I told him I can't because I'm not old enough to touch alcohol. His eyes flashed with anger. "HOW DARE YOU! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO ME IN THAT TONE! DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID. WELL, I GOT SOMETHING IN MIND FOR YOU!" He yells while rushing to get up. He runs down the stairs and when he comes back up I see there is a knife in his hand. I flinch and start freaking out. He comes over and softly rubs my face while smiling. He pushes me on the ground and holds me down. I start to squirm and move around trying to escape. "The more you move the worse it will be." He whispers. He takes the knife and push it towards my stomach by my navel. He pushes it deeper and drags it over. I feel the blood and tears from myself. I can feel myself shaking and freaking out that this is actually happening. He gets up and spits on me telling me to scram. I start crying and rush to the bathroom to treat my wound."
***Flashback***
I wish I could forget that summer, but I can't because I still have a scar to remind me. He was messed up in that head of his. He said we were going to be together forever and nobody would take me from him. He was crazy. One day he went out for a few hours and I slipped away to shelter. I called the cops. By the time he got back he was arrested. He was yelling crazy things like he was going to get me. The court date was set for the next week. He ended up being charged with kidnapping, abuse, and battery. I was sent to live with my mom and he was set for up to 20 years in jail, but he could get out for good behavior. I was so afraid, that I had to be put in counseling. I lived with my mom, but we had a distant relationship for the first two years. After I graduated high school, my mom and I moved to Alabama where I could go to college. I went to Auburn. I got a scholarship from high school for volleyball, so I played in college.
I met a boy who was from another country. We met the summer before I went to Auburn. He seemed like a great guy. We worked together in a smoothie and skateboard shop. After a few weeks of us hanging out, he asked me to be be his girlfriend. I had a trust problem with men. Luckily, I got over it. I said yes and I'm glad I did because he's such a great guy. My mom started dating a man named Noah Wilkins. My dad got an extra two years for always starting fights. I am so glad I don't have to deal with him. Harris and Jena got away with everything because Jena pretended like she didn't know anything was happening. It was hard, but I started going to church a few weeks ago. I actually enjoy it. I learned to forgive my dad. I feel renewed. I even got baptized. It looks like things are actually turning out well.
