𝖫 𝖤 𝖬 • 𝖮 • 𝖭 𝖠 𝖣 𝖤

II: Hold Up

de·ni·al:

"I tried to change.
Closed my mouth more. Tried to be soft, prettier. Less...awake. Fasted for 60 days. Wore white. Abstained from mirrors. Abstained from sex. In that time my hair grew past my ankles. I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword. I levitated into the basement, I confessed my sins and was baptized in a river. Got on my knees and said, "Amen." And said I mean. I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano. I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God. I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet. I bathed in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the Holy Book. But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know. Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?"

_ _ _

Was it her?

Was it the way she dressed?

Her hair?

Her makeup?

The way she slept?

Was she not pretty anymore?

Was it her breath?

Did she snore all of a sudden?

Was it her voice? Did he find it unattractive?

No....no he always loved the way she talked and hearing her voice. He said it's one of the things he loved about her and it soothed him to hear her voice everyday. He loved it.

....Did he?

Was it her?

Tayla sat in the salon chair as her normal hairdresser got finished doing her hair. She was switching it up this time. She loved the jet black color but she figured maybe brown would make her pop more.

Make him notice her again.

"Okay, boo. All done," Amanda, the person Tayla has let do her hair for the past five years, said while fluffing her hair in the mirror. Tayla had long hair that reached the middle of her back. She wasn't the type to always have it straightened but she did like to pop a few times to remind everyone she wasn't baldheaded.

"You get me right, everytime...you think he'll love it?"

"Girl, what? That man would adore you if your hair was nappy and matted and smelled like a skunk."

"Yeah...but these past few weeks he hasn't been looking at me like that. Like I haven't gotten a compliment in so long from him so I was thinking maybe it was me and the way I presented myself."

"Listen...one thing I know for sure don't ever change yourself for a man. If he can't appreciate you now, he ain't the one. Married or not."

Too late. She spent the whole day pampering herself while Ayla was with Chris's mom for the day. She got her nails done, different than usual, her hair, went shopping, bought some lingerie. She wanted his attention again.

It's been a week since the dance recital and Chris came home the next afternoon completely ignoring her like she was in the wrong but the two ended up talking it out since it practically killed him to not speak to her at least once a day.

But he took it upon himself to sleep on the couch thinking she wouldn't want him next to her at night.

When really he was hiding his infidelity from her and the best way to not snitch on himself was not sleep next to her and blame it on him coming home late and not wanting to be mad.

"You going to him after this?" Tayla smiled and nodded her head getting a bit excited.

This was the first time in months where she was able to spend time with her husband without their child around. Chris told her to come to the office at the end of his day and then afterwards they were going to go out for dinner.