If You Ever Come Back ~Peterick Fanfic~

4 - Until The End Of The Line

Last trigger warning now

Pete's POV

The city lights are shining beneath me. I am surprised by how normal everything looks. Like nothing is going to happen in less than an hour. Like the world will soon not have one human less.

I tried to be strong. I swear I tried. But I guess it is my destiny to do this. I will live with him, or I will not live at all. I look down and see the cars racing through the familiar streets.

Their lights look almost the same as the stars above me. I take a deep breath and stare at the edge that I am standing on. How long will I fall? Will it hurt? Will there be light after death, or only darkness for sinners like me? I don't care. All I ever want is for this burning, decapitating pain in my heart to stop.

I sent all of those letters I wrote to Patrick. He probably hasn't read them anyway. He wouldn't care.

I wanted to die here, with all of those sounds around me. I always hated the silence, it made me feel even more alone than I already did. Now I can feel like I am not the only person in the world.

I move my foot one millimeter towards the edge. I thought it would be easier than this, but my heart is beating like crazy.

I look at the stars again and remember that in my first letter, I wrote Patrick that I used to think that he was a star in human form. I still believe that.

I take one more step. I begin to think that the moral of my life, and the story of my life is that no matter how much we try, no matter how much we want it... some stories just don't have a happy ending.

Why did my story have to be the tragedy?

The floor crumbles a bit under my feet and I gasp for air, afraid to fall already. I clench my fists and close my eyes, trying to control myself.

The tears start to well up in my eyes but I push them back. It is not the time to cry now. Not yet. I need to be able to speak my last words.

The pain in my chest is gone and now I just feel emptiness. Like there is a massive black hole in the place where my heart is supposed do be.

You know that kind of sadness when you want to cry but you can't because you've already cried too much, so you just stare at the wall in silence and feel your whole existence is breaking apart? That is the feeling that has been taking over my life.

I can't do anything to stop the sadness. I've tried to write songs, to spend time with my friends, to focus on my future... Even listening to music wouldn't help.

I didn't deserve him anyway. He was always too good for me.

This is it. I finally let go of all my emotions. I open my mouth and scream. I scream at the top of my lungs, because that is the only thing I can do now.

All those weeks of pouring bottles of alcohol down my throat and tearing my skin open are finally over. It has all lead to this moment.

I stop and open my mouth, but this time I don't scream. I want to say my last words.

"I wish I could say I'm sorry", I start. "But I'm not. I know what I have to do. I do apologise for the grief I may cause to my family or friends.

Mom, I know you've hated suicide since her death, but is it really suicide when I'm already dead inside?

Gerard, thank you for writing that song for me. It's a shame it was too late. The light behind my eyes was already gone.

Joe and Andy, I am sorry that we can never start a band like we hoped we would do. It wouldn't be the same without Patrick anyway.

Brendon, thank you for sticking with me through all of the hard times. We had promised each other that we would be together until the end of the line. Well, I guess this is it.

And finally, Patrick. You was, are and will always be my universe. You made my life better without even knowing it. You were the drug that was keeping me alive. I had promised you in my last letter that I would die with your name on my lips, and I will keep that promise.

I love you, Patrick".

I focus on one star and take the last step, the last step that I will ever take. My feet hit the void and then I'm free. I feel air against my body and then nothing.

That is when I know, that this is truly the end of the line.

A/N: I literally cried while writing this part. I am sorry for all of the feels I have caused, but this is not the end of the story. I don't really know what I'm going to do but I have a small idea.

Anyway, sorry that this chapter was so short but this just really was the end of the chapter.

I wrote this because I have a lot of emotions stored in my mind, and this is the only way that I can express them.

Thank you so much for reading this, and I know that it's crap, but thanks for sticking with me anyway.
Love
~Panda