If You Ever Come Back ~Peterick Fanfic~

11 - You Won't Feel A Thing

Patrick's POV

"Hey, Pat. Are you okay?", Gerard asks. I flinch at the sound of his voice, I wasn't expecting it. That happens a lot these days. I've kind of been living in my own world, where everything is fine and where I have no dead friends.

That is just not the truth. The truth is that my life is fucked up, and that is all because of me. My friends are suffering and that is my fault.

I look my friend in the eye. He takes a step back, seeing the pure hopelessness in my face. Then he looks away. He probably can't look at me without being reminded of Pete.

"Do you think any of us are okay, Gerard?" I don't mean for it to sound so annoyed but I just can't help it. I've turned into a completely different person since that day.

"No", Gerard takes a deep breath. "Definitely not", his voice breaks and he bites his lip, kicking against a rock which was lying somewhere in front of his foot. I had never seen my friend so lifeless.

"That- those things you said at the funeral...", Gerard starts. "That was beautiful, man. Seriously."

The funeral? I can barely remember anything without tears from that day. Yes, I said something. About how much I loved Pete. And that I was sorry. And Gerard sang. A song about the light behind your eyes.

I realise that I have to compliment him back now. I try to fake a smile which probably looks like I'm being stabbed so I give that up.

"Yeah, your... song was beautiful too...", I mumble, not even making an attempt at looking like I mean it.

Gerard lays a hand on my shoulder. I wasn't expecting that sudden movement so I can't help but jump a little. He quickly pulls his arms back.

"I- I just want to say that... We all feel broken. And if- if there is something we can do for you, you just have to ask. We will always be there for you, Pat".

His words bring tears to my eyes. Gerard and I have always been close, like Pete and Brendon, but the events of the past days have really made us even closer.

How come my friends haven't dumped me yet? How am I so blessed to have these friends that will never leave me, no matter what. How did I ever deserve this?

They wouldn't be as kind if they knew that I am the reason of their friend's death. That I am the cause of their sadness. I don't deserve these people, and I never will.

"Thanks, Gee", is the only thing I manage to respond. I know that it sounds like I don't care but my eyes, who are glistening with tears, say more than the words.

"No problem." Gerard just smiles and walks away, leaving me alone with my horrifying sadness.

I sit down against a wall and put in my ear buds, trying to block out any thought that would be able to make me sad. I put my music on shuffle, hoping to avoid all of the lovesongs. Sadly, that doesn't work.

You Won't Feel A Thing by The Script. I bite my lip, fighting back tears. I wish that I could have made Pete not feel a thing, then everything would be fine.

When trouble thinks it's found us, the world falls down around us. I promise baby, you won't ever, you won't ever feel a thing.

Cause I will take it on the chin, for you. So lay your cuts and bruises over my skin. I promise you won't feel a thing.

The day I read those letters was the day that my life truly collapsed. Knowing that he truly missed me and that I was the reason he didn't find his life worth living anymore, was worse than anything I could ever imagine.

About how his sister committed suicide, about how he used to cut himself and get himself drunk to block out the pain I had caused by leaving him, while I thought it would be the best for him.

It was like someone stabbing me in the chest with a knife and then twisting it before pulling it out, but worse. It was destroying my soul.

And it was so sad to think that Pete thought he had nobody that cared about him, while his friends were worried sick. He was good at hiding his emotions, probably too good.

I should stop thinking about him. It doesn't change anything. He isn't coming back. He is gone. Forever. And I-

Suddenly I feel a sharp pain shooting through my entire body, just like on that night when Pete died.

I feel like I'm being torn in half and my head is hurting so much that I'm afraid for it to explode. I hear sounds bouncing in it, but I can't discover what they are.

Then one loud scream, so loud that my whole vision becomes black and I flail my arms, trying to get the pain to go away.

Patrick!

"Pete?", I say, gasping for air. I rock back and forth, hoping to hear that voice again. It doesn't matter that it is the most excruciating pain I have ever felt, I need to hear Pete saying my name again.

But it is gone, just as sudden as it started. Just when I wanted it to continue. My heart is beating in my throat and my limbs are shaking.

I lean back and close my eyes, thinking about what the hell happened just then. It can't be Pete. Pete is dead, how could he speak to me? But I swear that it was his voice calling my name.

I can't help but feel a small spark of hope growing in my heart. My brain tells me that it is impossible, that dead people can't speak to you in your head, but my heart says the opposite.

That is when an idea comes to my mind. Maybe I can make Pete hear me too. I know that the idea is ridiculous, but I have to try it. I make sure that nobody is around. Then I scream, I scream louder than I thought was possible.

"Pete Wentz, I love you!"

I scream until I'm out of breath and after that, I'm almost completely sure that it worked. Or at least, it feels like it did.

A/N: I used one of the ideas from you guys for this chapter because somebody said that they were wondering how Patrick was doing, so here it is! Sorry that it's so crappy.

Oh, and please listen to the song because it is freaking adorable and will give you many feels. Thank you all for reading this and I hope you liked it!

~Panda