If You Ever Come Back ~Peterick Fanfic~

12 - I Crave Your Presence

A/N: Little question before this chapter begins: shall I begin a rant book? But then in a kind of different way, that you guys can suggest the topics I will give my opinion of. Please leave a comment if you'd like to see this happening.

Pete's POV

I gasp for air as I hear his voice in my mind. It was crystal-clear that it was his voice. And he said my name. He said he loved me... He... he misses me?

That can't be possible. He was the one who left me, he was the one who made me do this.

No, I correct myself. He didn't make me kill myself. I chose it myself. I chose it because I was so desperate for the pain to stop. But it didn't help. Relief was never an option.

My thoughts go back to his voice, repeating it over and over in my head. The memory of it calms me down, even though I am slightly doubting my sanity. I mean come on, it is impossible that I have heard him. I am dead and he is alive.

I hold my head in between my hands, leaning my back against the wall of my room. Dan and Phil are probably in their room too, together... Not hearing voices of the person they love but can't have...

That is when a light pops up in my brain. It reminds me of one sentence Dan said to me, earlier this day. That you only desire the things you can't have. I didn't really think of it then but now its full meaning hits me.

I never realised how much I loved Patrick until he was gone, and that was when I could never get him back, when it was too late. I should have told him earlier. I should have known... I should have done something!

The more I think, the angrier I get at myself. I start to feel like it's all been my fault. That I could have prevented all of this! That none of this had to happen if it wasn't for me.

I stand up and in one movement full of rage I move my arm towards the wall. It hits the cold, dark wood with a sickening crack. I get a scared feeling in my stomach that it wasn't the wall when I notice that I'm not feeling any pain.

I look at my knuckles and see that they are completely clean, there's not even a scratch on them. I move my eyes to the wall and see that there is a hole in it, about the size of my fist. It scares and amazes me at the same time, that I was able to break through solid wood.

Then I remember what God said to me. That you can't get hurt, sick or die here. But he forgot to tell that I have freaking superstrength from now on. I sigh deeply.

Patrick, please... If you can hear me... Give me a sign...

I concentrate so hard on forming those words in my head that it feels like my brain is going to explode. I see every letter in my mind and focus on Patrick's face after that. His soft hair, his beautiful eyes, his cute smile... His everything.

And when I sit back in my spot against the wall, I know I did everything I could have done.

Patrick's POV

I hear his voice in my head, but without the terrible ache this time. I hear him asking for a sign. A sign... How the hell am I supposed to give a sign when I only just discovered that I can hear him in my mind?

I sigh as I lean with my head against the wall. I have been walking circles in my room for ages. It feels like the mess in my soul just won't clean itself. But maybe that's because I actually have to give a sign.

I close my eyes and whisper, but with so much power that it feels like I am shouting.

Pete, I am here

I imagine his face. His hazel eyes, his hair that he dyes almost once a month, his cheeks that turn red when someone gives him a compliment...

That is when I feel that tingle again, that almost familiar feeling that I get when I hear him.

You are? Patrick! I miss you!

There are spaces of time between the words, almost like he has to gasp for air after every sentence. My face breaks open in a smile. It almost hurts, and I realise how long it's been since I've smiled.

Yes, Pete. I am. And I miss you too. I miss you with every part of my being.

It isn't as hard this time, I have to concentrate less to be sure that my message has arrived. This feels like some freaky next-generation WhatsApping.

You... You do... Patrick, I want you. I want you here. I want to see you, sense you, feel you...

His words send shivers down my spine, because I want exactly the same. And my heart skips a beat after hearing him say what I wanted him to say.

You have no idea how much I crave your presence right now. My heart has been empty since I left. I am so sorry, Pete. I never wanted any of this. I wanted you to go on with your life. But now I see that that was never possible...

I have to blink the tears away that threaten to leak from my eyes. I need to concentrate. But it is so horrifying and amazing at the same time to finally say these things. They have been consuming my thoughts for weeks.

No, Patrick. This is my fault. I killed myself. And that is the biggest mistake I have ever made. But...

His voice becomes softer after this.

Can we please continue this later? I'm really... really tired...

I assume that the pause between the words means a yawn and I smile.

Of course. I love you, Pete. Stay safe.

I hear a few mumbles after that and then it becomes silent. I close my eyes and smile. This has been, without a doubt, the best day in my whole life.

A/N: I'm sorry, this chapter was kind short but I hope you liked it. Finally, there is love again! I loved to write this because I love those fluffy kind of parts in a fic. Anyway, please answer the question at the beginning of this chapter and yeah...

THANKS FOR 600 READS. WE'RE PAST 0.5 K! And eh... Stay safe and don't let the world let you down.

~Panda