Loki

Chapter 3

Thor: Fargin' dag crab nuggets!

Loki: (turning) What did he just say?

Hulk: Crab nuggets?

(Thor flies into the walls of the observatory but doesn't break through)

Thor: Fackled fish-cracker! Good lord, I'm trapped!

Computer voice: Ten seconds to full power.

[Loki looks at Thor through the projector]

Loki: What kind of trickery is this?

Thor: You mad genius. Your dark gift has finally paid off!

Loki: It...it has?

Thor: This dome is obviously lined... with copper.

Loki: Yeah, so?

Hulk: Sir? Uh...

[Hulk points at computer screen]

Thor: Copper drains my powers.

Loki: Your weakness is copper? You're kidding, right?

Computer voice: Full Power.

(The sun laser fully powers up and fires on the observatory Thor was trapped in, creating a massive explosion. After a moment, Loki and Hulk stand to observe.)

Hulk: (coughs) I don't think... even HE could survive that.

Loki: Well, let's not get our hopes up just yet.

Hulk: Look!

(A figure with Thor's cape flies out of the smoke)

Maddie: (relieved gasp) Thor!

Loki: (relieved gasp) Thor! ...THOR!!! (Loki is tackled by the figure, and he lifts up its cape, revealing a skeleton) Oh god! Oh god!

Hulk: Ew! (Both of them pause for a moment) You... you did it, sir!

Loki: ...I did it?

Mayor: (in disbelief) He did it!

Loki: I did it?

Captain America: He did it...

Hulk: You did it, sir!

Loki: (excited) I did it!

Hulk: He did it!

Loki: I did it! Newark City is mine!

(cut to Hulk and Loki walking down a street celebrating with a swarm of brainbots following)

Hulk: [singing] You did it, sir. You did it, sir.

Loki: [singing] Yes I did.

Hulk: Us!

Loki: I did it!

Hulk: We both did it.

Loki: Not us, I!

Hulk: You a little more than me, but still come on! When they're giving out the awards I'm going to be right here next to you, right sir?

Loki: What awards? Awards for what? Hit it! (highway to hell plays. A crowd of police and citizens have blockaded the City Hall, but when Loki enters, they're all so scared of him that they surrender and lay their guns down) Wooo! Hahaha! Drop 'em! First off, what a turnout! How wild is this, huh? All I did was eliminate the most powerful man in the universe. Are there any questions? Go on. Yes! You in the back.

Maddie: I'm sure we'd all like to know what you plan to do with us and this city.

Loki: Good, I'm glad you asked that. Imagine the most horrible, terrifying, evil thing you can possibly think of... and multiply it...by six! In the meantime, I want you to carry on with the dreary normal things you, normal people do. Let's just have fun with this, come on! And I will get back to you. [he walks backwards into City hall with Hulk following behind him] [whispering] Now slam the door really hard. [Hulk slams the door hard but his shadow can been seen through the door] They, they can still see you.

Hulk: Now?

Loki: Your elbow's still in. (both laugh) Good.

(Loki blows open the door to the head office with a ray gun while Hulk carries him inside.)

Hulk: There he is, Mr. Evil Overlord.

Loki: Oh, Hulk, did you think this day would ever come?

Hulk: (chuckles) No way. Not at all, sir. Never. Never in a million...[Loki gives him an evil look] I mean, yes, I did.

Loki: Look at the intricate moldings.

Hulk: I'm looking, I'm looking!

Loki: And what's this? It's like one of the giant monitors in the lair, but it seems to carry only one station.

Hulk: Oh, that sir, is called a window.

Loki: Window!

Hulk: All the kids are looking through them.

Loki: Oooh! I've never had a view before. Newark City, Hulk. It's all mine. If my parents could see me now...

Hulk: Sir, I am sure they're smiling down from evil heaven.

Loki: And now that Mr. Goody Two-Shoes is out of the way, I can have everything I want! And there's no one to stop me! (Loki and Hulk laugh. Crazy train plays. They go on a crime spree, which does not last long. Cut to Loki sitting in his office staring at a drinking bird desk toy) I know, I know. Always thirsty, never satisfied. I understand you, little well-dressed bird. Purposeless, emptiness. It's a vacuum, isn't it? It's...What's your vacuum like?

[Hulk breaks through the door, singing and playing air guitar on a statue]

Hulk: [singing] Going off the rails on a crazy train, sir!

Loki: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Not now, Hulk. I'm in a heated, existential discussion with this dead-eyed, plastic desk toy.

Hulk: Is...is something wrong, sir?

Loki: Just think about it. We have it all. Yet we have nothing. It's just too easy now.

Hulk: I'm sorry. You've lost me, sir.

Loki: [wearily] I mean, we did it, right?

Hulk: Uh, well, YOU did it, sir. Yes, you've made that perfectly clear.

Loki: Then why do I feel so...melancholy?

Hulk: Melancholy?

Loki: Unhappy.

Hulk: Oh, well, uh...what if tomorrow we could go kidnap Maddie McWilliams? That always seems to lift your spirits!

Loki: Good idea, Hulk. But without him, what's the point? (gesturing at the statue of Thor)

Hulk: Him, sir?

Loki: Nothing.

Hulk: Okay, um... All right, well...(stammers) That's something to consider, and, um, well, I think I'll just power down for a while, then.

(Cut to Maddie, broadcasting outside of the Thor museum for her news spot)

Maddie: He was always there for us. Dependable. Perhaps we took him for granted, or maybe... we never really know how good we have it until it's gone. We miss you, Thor... I... miss you. And I have just one question for Loki. Are you happy now? This is Maddie McWilliams, reporting from a city without a hero. Coming up next, are you ready to be a slave army? What you need to know. [she does the cut sign to Tony]