Forsake My Broken Hart

Chapter 7

I sat alone at the edge of a small lake, finding rocks to skip across its surface. It had been a week since we had fought and killed the small horse. We had only been traveling approximately 50 miles a day, spending time learning defense maneuvers against both humans and biters.

Tensions were high. Despite stopping early each night, everyone was sick of being around one another. My current reason for sitting alone staring out at the murky water, while still in shouting distance, was due to an altercation this morning. One that ended in me almost gutting Isaac, which led to Jessie's anger, only to end with Ryder stuck in the middle.

A pebble from behind me skidded across the ground and landed in the shallow water. I tensed my body, prepared to fight, but when no warning bells went off, I relaxed a bit.

"Want to talk about it?" Without waiting for an answer, Sam plopped on the ground beside me.

"You know... we could have had this wonderful friendship from the very beginning if we both hadn't been such bitches." I tossed another rock, this one sinking straight to the bottom.

"We both had sticks up our asses back then. Don't think I didn't notice your evasion of my question." She leaned over and scooped up a handful of sand, watching it slowly shift through her fingers.

The air was sharp and cold. We were both bundled up in all the clothes we currently owned. It most definitely wasn't enough for the mountains, but we had yet to find a mall with every store we needed. I watched my breath condensate into a small cloud as I exhaled.

"I probably need to take more iron than just one pill every other day." I admitted. "But... Peter... that monster had starved and dehydrated me to the point I had no choice but to accept what he offered. He filled the soup with so much iron it left me weak and defenseless. I never want to feel that way again."

Sam didn't speak for a moment, slowly digesting my words. I didn't like talking about what happened around her because of Angel, but I needed to vent to someone. The guys wouldn't understand. Not truly.

"The biter, or monster, that lurks inside me, it's always there, always on edge, just waiting to be released. The scariest part is a fragment of me welcomes it, wants to let go of the last shred of my humanity. That little girl who was abused. The preteen and teenager who was experimented on. The woman who was tortured. They crave the violence. Every day I have to fight to hang on, and it seems like the part of me fighting is getting weaker and weaker." I drew my legs up and hung my head, ashamed at my truth.

Sam awkwardly patted me on the back. "Some days I want to die and join Angel in whatever awaits us after death. Not to make this about me, but I think we all have intrusive thoughts. It's an accomplishment to make it another day without giving in. We should clap ourselves on the back for it. If you get to a place where you feel like there may be no turning back, just remember what or who you're fighting for." She stood up and brushed the sand from her jeans.

As she turned to walk away, I called out, "Sam, what do you fight for? What makes you get up out of bed every day? How do you keep going on?"

She paused but didn't face me as she answered. "I'm not entirely sure I have anything left to stay around for. I think at this point, I'm coasting on autopilot." Then she was gone, and I was left mulling over her words, anxiety spiking in my chest.

I didn't have any answers for Sam. I wasn't even sure there were answers, but I knew it was time to apologize and make amends. Life was far too short and allies were few and far between. Rocking to my feet, I drew the hood of the hoodie up around my head and neck, trying to combat some of the cold.

I passed abandoned RVs and tents, although from the shaking inside a few of them, they weren't completely abandoned, but there was no point in wasting energy on killing off every biter we came across. Yet, maybe that's what we needed. To expend some energy. I walked a little faster towards our own campsite, winding through the abandoned campground.