To my future self,
I hope you learned how to love yourself better now. Not just with temporary things. Don't pretend that those temporary things are okay. Don't let everything be just okay.
Learn to question it sometimes.
Is it enough? Is it really okay? Do I deserve it? Do I deserve this?
And if it's not, learn to let go and say no even when it hurts sometimes.
It will hurt either way so.
I do hope you know how to manage those days. I hope you do not find comfort to anybody else like what I'm doing right now. I hope you do not find any kakampi anymore because you yourself is enough to be your own kakampi.
I hope you learn to be strong. Show a strong side of you. Not just in your head. But in reality. Stop being so intimidated with anyone. Learn to intimidate them also. Be confident. With just who you are. And maybe, just maybe, that will let them see you stronger.
Make a wise decision please. Don't be aanga anga again. I don't know how you will do it but I hope you do it smoothly. Don't be like me again. Because I hate myself right now.
We should love ourselves. It's the only thing that could never turn their back for us. The only thing we can masasandalan anytime without bother. They won't get angry if we want something. Nor get irritated with our words. They can understand us. And they will always be there for us.
I hope this time, we choose ourselves more than we think for other people. Let's be selfish but with a better mindset.
And lastly, don't teach other people how to love you. Stop pushing your love to other people. And stop expecting to receive the same kind of love and effort you give to someone else. That's not how to love. But if you realize you don't deserve their kind of treatment and love, learn to let go, okay? It's not the end of your world. If they want to go, let them.
Don't ever beg again, self. It's not healthy. It's kinda pathetic. Don't be silly.
I'll forgive you this time. I'll forgive all these things. And I hope, I really do hope, it will be the last time we're going through it.
And with these tears I sign,
Pauleen
